Utterpants | Funny Stories | Satire News

Funny Stories, Satire, news parody, jokes and literary nourishment for the discerning reader

WOT NO MENU?
This is just a site map for search engines that don't read javascript. Click here to go to the homepage to use the site-wide navigation menu. If you only see a big red box on the left of our homepage and no menu it means that either your browser or some other doodad is killing JavaScript. We strongly recommend you enable JavaScript as the site is much easier to navigate using the main, JavaScript menu.

ABOUT UTTERPANTS

Homepage -Biting Satire, Funny stories, LOTR parody, adult humor, alien absurdity and funny short stories
About Utterpants - Who's behind this scurrilous and satirical website?
Our Writers - We expose the dysfunctional degenerates behind this website
Contact us - send us your comments
Your letters - what visitors are saying about us
RSS News Feed - put our stories on your website or blog with a simple, easy to install script
Links - to vaguely related humour sites, funny stories, Lord of the Rings Parodies, Sherlock Holmes parodies, chocolate and...er...sex toys!

SATIRE NEWS - Satire spoof news and News Parody from around the world

NEWS BRIEFS
LATEST SATIRE NEWS
GNOMEWATCH
TOTALLY BRITNEY SATIRE NEWS
ENTERTAINMENT SATIRE NEWS
POLITICS SATIRE NEWS
SCIENCE SATIRE NEWS
SEX SATIRE NEWS
SOCIETY SATIRE NEWS
WORLD SATIRE NEWS
RSS/XML FEED - SYNDICATE OUR CONTENT ON YOUR SITE OR BLOG!

Short Stories

Short Stories - Short Stories, Fantasy, Mystery and Horror
Tough Love - A shocking tale of violent passions; please don't try this at home!
Give in to me - A darkly erotic tale of two young women, one of whom is not who she seems..
Why I dine alone - A finely observed character study of a rather unattractive dining companion with an unexpected twist
Bloody Sheets - A disturbing journey into the remorseful mind of someone who has lost his wife's love—or has he?

NOT PANTS

Not remotely Pants - Serious stuff that might not be remotely funny or satirical

SciFi Humour - funny stories about aliens and alien abduction

I was abducted by aliens - An Ipswich man tells a shocking tale of abuse and interrogation by aliens.
Alien Contact - Why aliens will never visit the Earth.
The Day the Earth Moved - a funny story of alien abduction, soiled trousers and chocolate addiction in 11 sizzling chapters!
Girls - have you been abducted by aliens? - read how to protect yourself from further attacks.
How to spot an Illegal Alien - the long arm of the law reveals all

PARODY - Lord of the Rings and Sherlock Holmes parodies

LOTR and Hobbit parody - hilarious Tolkien fan fiction and original pastiches of The Lord of the Rings
Parodies of the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - set in the mythological world of Tolkien's Middle-earth
Lord of the Rings movie sequel stolen - Balrog impersonators gatecrash private viewing and make off with film
The Case of the Bashful Balrog - Sherlock Holmes tangles with a fire-breathing Balrog
The Strange Adventure of the Lady Arwen - Hot Elven babe get's screwed by clever Dick
Denethor and the Petulant Balrog - Funny LOTR fan fiction. The Dark Lord pays an unexpected visit to Denethor!
At the Sign of the Dancing Donkey - Adult LOTR fan fiction. Read what really happened to four Hobbits at the Prancing Pony!
Very Private Hobbit Diary - Funny adult LOTR parody. Read what Frodo Baggins REALLY did with the Ring!
Gaultier's Lair - LOTR parody: The Two Towers fan fiction. A funny story of appalling fashion sense and mindless shopping
The Science of Detection - LOTR Sherlock Holmes parody. The Great Detective explains the science of detection to a dim-witted Hobbit
The Lord of the Scrolls - Funny LOTR parody of the Shadow of the Past
The Case of the Shire Ringwraith - Very funny LOTR and Sherlock Holmes parody

Monty Python: The Lord of the Rings

Monty Python: The Lord of the Rings - hilarious "Pythonesque" retelling of J.R.R. Tolkien's classic trilogy

FUNNY SHORT STORIES - tall stories and satirical articles to amuse and provoke the literate reader

Funny Stories index page - tall stories and satirical articles to amuse and provoke the literate reader
Do Virgins taste better?- alert in Welsh village
Girl shaved just for kicks - or why my clitoris is like the American flag
Wrapping presents with a cat - Our definitive guide to one of the more demanding tasks faced by cat lovers the world over
Preparing for Emergencies - A personal message from the Prime Minister to the people of Gt. Britain
Preparing for Terrorism - a definitive guide to coping with emergencies
Phone Sex - the definitive guide to long-distance telephonic cyber-bonking
A Close Shave - A young woman finds herself in a tight corner with a dangeous psychopath
Resigned to IT - why you should never fuck with a sys admin
Are Microsoft certifiable? - Derek Tree discovers the world's dumbest rodent
Anyone want stuffing? - Ms Givings reveals the dangers of Christmas
Girls on Top - Ms Givings gets to grips with a couple of right wankers. Funny adult short story
Tony's Diary 1 Tony has a spot of bother with his trousers and the cabinet
Tony's Diary 2 Tony goes to Berlin while GDubya can't find any WMD

PROBLEM PAGES - your intimate personal problems answered

Problem Pages Index and Latest problems
Latest Problems answered - Ms Givings gets to grips with some really sad individuals
Men: don't answer her! Ms Givings reveals the four most dangerous questions a woman can ask a man.
Men - are you suffering from a rare medical condition? Do you have difficulty in obtaining an erection?
Men - are you too small for her? - a revolutionary way to increase the size of the male organ!
Girls - should you wash your pussy? Do pussies really need to be bathed? Funny adult humor
Girls - are you tipping the velvet a bit too often? Find out why single women who use vibrators may be damaging their health
Boys - does size matter? - we conducted an exhausting survey to find out
Good news for wankers! - bashing the bishop regularly may reduce your risk of developing prostate cancer

JOKES - funny original short stories and hilarious adult jokes

Jokes Index page - funny original short stories and hilarious adult jokes in no particular order

FUNNY PICTURES - jokes, stories, quizzes, cartoons and animations

Funny Pictures Index page - jokes, stories, quizzes, cartoons and animations
Power Breakfast - how to make a bacon sarnie with two PowerBooks
Utterpants on Sunday - Our modest tribute to the British tabloid press
The iLoo™ - think different(ly): the same old shit. Amusing spoof Apple advert
Make it an S&M Christmas - pain and pleasure beyond measure!

GnomeWATCH 2006!

GnomeWATCH - A truly surreal charity event in aid of Amnesty International, during which we ransomed a gnome on eBay

Denim Sue's Wiltshire Diary

Denim Sue's Wiltshire Diary - a Rabelasian ramble through the ramshackle mind of a woman with far too much time on her hands..

Baron Crapulence of Chugley Harvard

Baron Crapulence of Chugley Harvard - the meandering dictations of the obscenely rich Right Honourable Lord Crapulence

TV GUIDE - Alex on the Box

Alex on the Box - What's on Telly in the UK. Now defunct and no longer updated but still good for a giggle.

DOWNLOADS: Nicely formated Adobe Acrobat PDF's of our longest stories

One of our submarines is missing - A salty tale of high jinx on the high seas
The Day the Earth Moved - a funny story of alien abduction, soiled trousers and chocolate addiction in 11 sizzling chapters!
At the Sign of the Dancing Donkey - what happened to four rather silly hobbits at Bree
The Lord of the Scrolls - Funny LOTR parody of the Shadow of the Past
The Case of the Bashful Balrog - Sherlock Holmes tangles with a fire-breathing Balrog
Monty Python: The Fellowship of the Ring - Part 1 of James Haines' monumental epic
Monty Python: The Two Towers - Part 2 of James Haines' monumental epic
Monty Python: The Return of the King - Part 3 of James Haines' monumental epic