Funny Sherlock Holmes parody
|The Case of the algolagnic Scopophilisist
By Mercedes Dannenberg
|The Great Detective uncovers a fiendish conspiracy to undermine the very fabric of decency..|
say, Holmes!" objected Bingo Bracegirdle censoriously, "That's
a bit steep!"
Sherlock Holmes turned from his observation of the street below to regard his Hobbit companion with a pitying gaze not unmixed with mischievous amusement.
"What? My contention that the woman who has passed our door four times in the last fifteen minutes is suffering from persistent sexual arousal, or that she is the wife of a prominent Minister in the Government who has recently lost a fortune on the stock market?"
"The former, obviously," snorted Bingo, craning forward to peer through the rain-streaked windows at an attractive woman in her mid-thirties who was now sheltering in a doorway directly opposite.
"Accustomed as I am to your prodigious skills, I see nothing in that young woman's appearance that could possibly support so monstrous an accusation as the one you have just made, Holmes."
"That's because your
attention has been directed at the considerable charms of her prepossessing
person rather than her manner and deportment," replied Holmes quietly.
He paused to look his companion up and down with an amused twinkle in
his deep-set eyes. "Indeed, if I am not mistaken, the flush mounting
to your cheeks and the unseemly bulge in your Plus Fours, leads me to
conclude that you are in an equally advanced state of sexual arousal,
though, in your case, I feel certain it will subside as soon as you
have taken tea."
"She has just plunged her right hand between her legs and is gripping
it tightly with her thighs—but you will observe that she is attempting
to conceal this un-Ladylike manoeuvre beneath the unfashionably large
cape she is wearing. Notice also the flushed face, uncontrollable trembling
and frequent, furtive glances in our direction. All these signs suggest
that she is no stranger to touching herself in the most intimate of
places in public without thought for the consequences."
Sherlock Holmes had seated himself at his desk, his unlit pipe clamped
between his teeth and was feverishly pouring through several thick folios,
seemingly oblivious to the spectacle in the street below to which his
assistant was excitedly attempting to draw his attention.
To be continued.....