Monty Python: The Return of the King
Monty Python: The Return of the King
By James Haines (aka: Hstaphath)
Monty Python: The Return of the King
Opening Narrative - History of the Ring
Monty Python: The Return of the King
Monty Python: The Return of the King
"In the lands of Middle-earth, legend tells of the dark Lord Sauron,"

"and the Ring that would give him the power to enslave the world."

"Lost for centuries..."

"...it has been sought by many,"

"and has now found its way into the hands of the most unlikely person imaginable..."

"No, no, no! Not him! No—the other bugger over there!"

"Right. That's the one. Yeah... he's screwed."

Utterpants (UP) Pictures
in association with Monty Python

J.R.R. Tolkien's: Fellowship of the Ring

J.R.R. Tlkin's: Flwshipti uv den Ringen

Written by:
James Haines (aka: Hstaphath)
Rten nik Akten Di

Aragorn, Boromir, Frodo, Gandalf, Gimli, Legolas, Meriadoc, Peregrin, and Samwise.

Also appearing:
Tom Bombadil, Barliman Butterbur, Celeborn, Elrond, Bill Ferny, Firiel/Merc, Galadriel, Haldir, Harry, Lobelia, Lotho, Saruman, Ferdibrand Took, and the Evil Dark Lord Sauron.
Als wik

Also also appearing:
The Balrog of Moria, the Nazgul Who Say "Ni," the Uruk-Cows, the Anorien People's Front(or is that the People's Front of Anor?), and the scantily-cald and talented harem ghosts of Arthedain.
Als als wik

Wi nt trei a hliday in Rhn dis yr?
See ll de lveli hrses
De wndrful glden hll uv Edrs - Medusld
Und mni interstink Rhirrim who tlk alt lik dis (und vld mst likli tri und kill yu)

With special extra thanks to:
The XenoCorp Crew for putting me up to this in the first place, the Utterpants Writer's Group for helping me make it through to the end and crafting this long bloody octopus into something passingly presentable, to J.R.R. Tolkien's estate for not taking legal action (yet?), and to Monty Python for reasons obvious.

Includink de majestik cw

My sistr once stpped in cw pp...
No realli! She was karving her initials n de cw wik de sharpened end uv n ld tthbrush given her bi Mablung (her broder-in-law) - n Osgilith dntist und star uv mni Gndorin mvies: "De Ht Hnds uv n Ithilin Dntist, Fillings uv Passin, De Huge Mlars uv Bromir..."

We apologize for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked.

The characters and incidents portrayed and the names used in this parody are fictitious and any similarity to the names, characters, or history of any person is entirely accidental and unintentional. Honest. And I did NOT have sexual relations with that blasted cow!

Mynd yu, flmink cw pp kn b pretti nsti...

We apologize again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked.

Cw Praying-Mantis Karate Style by: PAUL "BATTLECRY" DUGGAN
Miss Liv Tyler's Cw by: MATT "KADH" CARR (pending a restraining order)
Cw choreographed by: YATTA!
Cw trained to drink heavily by: MATT "762" HAHNKE
Cw taught to spam and use poor grammar by: DON "DOUBLE D" DAWSON
Large Cw on the left hand side of the screen in the third scene from the end, given a thorough grounding in Quenya, Sindarin, Fanorian Tengwar, and "O" Level Middle-Earth Geography by: MERCY "BAIN NESTRIL" DANNENBERG
Suggestive poses for the Cw suggested by: MIRANDA S GIVINGS
Udder-care by: FELICITY O'TOOLE

The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked.

The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute.

Executive Producer:
"Bobo" The Wonder Dwarf

Steve "Spank My Dwarf" Ferret

Assisted By:
Fundin J. Dwarf
Ori Q. Dwarf III
Gloini L. Dwarf Jr.
Borin C. Dwarf IX

Directed By:
40 Specially Trained Lonely Mountain Dwarves
7 Disney Dwarves
142 Iron Hills Whooping Dwarves
14 Northern Eriador Gnomes
(possibly related to Dwarves, though everyone denies it)


And, lastly, 76,324 Lawn and Garden Dwarves
From "Dwarves-R-Us" Ltd. in Erebor

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© 2005 - Parody by James Haines. Design and construction utterpants.co.uk


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