utterpants
Monty Python: The Return of the King
Monty Python: The Return of the King
By James Haines (aka: Hstaphath)
Monty Python: The Fellowship of the Ring
Narrative Interlude: Weathertop
Monty Python: The Return of the King
Monty Python: The Return of the King
Narrator: After a narrow escape in Bree, Aragorn and the Hobbits flee eastward toward Rivendell. With the light of the setting sun fading quickly, they make camp for the night at the ruins of Amon Sul. Known simply as "Weathertop," it is the tallest and most southerly of the weather Hills.

Pippin: Hey Merry, let's start a fire!
Merry: Too right, we'll get dinner going and surprise the others.
Narrator: It is here that 5 of the black riders of Mordor, the dread Nazgul, catch up to them.
Head Nazgul: Ni!
Nazgul Who Say Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Frodo: Who are you?!
Head Nazgul: We are the ring-wraiths, the Nazgul Who Say... "Ni!"
Random Ni!
Frodo: No! Not the Nazgul Who Say "Ni!?"
Head Nazgul: The very same!
Merry: Who are they?
Head Nazgul: We are the cursed undead servants of Mordor, keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Peng, and Neee-wom!
Nazgul No. 4: Neee-wom!
Frodo: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale.
Head Nazgul: The Nazgul Who Say "Ni" demand a sacrifice.
Frodo: Nazgul of Ni, we are but poor traveling hobbit salesmen who—
Head Nazgul: Ni!
Nazgul Who Say Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!...
Frodo: (viciously wounded) Ow! Ow! Ow! Agh!
Head Nazgul: We shall say "Ni" again to you if you do not appease us.
Frodo: (struggling against the pain) Well, what do you want of us?
Head Nazgul: We want... the Ring!
[dramatic chord]
Frodo: Noooo!!!
Nazgul Who Say Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Frodo: Ow! Oh!
Pippin: Ow! Ow! Agh!
Merry: Ow! Oh! Ow!
Narrator: Just when all seemed lost, Aragorn jumps into the scene brandishing a torch.
Aragorn: (waving the torch menacingly at the Nazgul) Pippin! Merry! Quickly now, drag Frodo behind these bushes!
Pippin: Sure, why not.
Merry: Right, okay.
Head Nazgul: Resistance is futile. We outnumber you five to one, mortal!
Aragorn: (jumping behind the bushes with the hobbits) Ah ha, foul fiends! Do you not recognize what this is?!
Head Nazgul: No! This can not be!
Aragorn: Yes!
Nazgul Who Say Ni: A shrubbery!
Head Nazgul: A nice looking one, at that... but obviously not too expensive.
Aragorn: Yes, a shrubbery!
Head Nazgul: You may have gained the upper hand this time, but we shall meet again!
Aragorn: Ha! Now... go!
Narrator: Aragorn had narrowly saved the hobbits from the foul ring-wraiths, but Frodo was seriously wounded. Sam, who had fallen asleep earlier behind the shrubbery, missed the whole ruddy thing. Luckily, an elf from the home of Elrond chanced upon them and bore the unconscious Frodo to the "Last Homely House"— Rivendell.


Back Next

Comment on this story? Click the button to have your say Get it off your chest!

© 2005 - Parody by James Haines. Design and construction utterpants.co.uk

COPYRIGHT - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Monty Python: The Fellowship of the Ring Monty Python: The Fellowship of the Ring
Lord of the Rings Parody
Lord of the Rings Parody
Lord of the Rings Parody
Monty Python: The Lord of the RingsMonty Python: The Lord of the Rings James Haines' Comedic Masterpiece
Funny LOTR parodyLord of the Scrolls threatens Middle-Earth with a tide of cinematic mediocrity
Gaultier's LairGaultier's Lair
A tall tale of appalling fashion sense and mindless shopping
A hot hobbit in tight leather pants gets luckyAt the Sign of the Dancing Donkey A hot hobbit in tight leather pants gets lucky
Ringwraiths terrorize English Town Undead Ghouls terrorize English Town in hunt for magic ring
The private Diary of a very disturbed HobbitFrodo Baggins Private Diary
What the dirty little Robbit really did with the Ring
LOTR sequel stolen!
Lord of the Rings move sequel stolen!

DOWNLOAD PDF

If you would rather read Monty Python: The Fellowship of the Ring offline in PDF format please click the PDF icon below. The PDF is designed to print on European A4 paper (210 x 297mm) and is very nicely formatted! Please note that this is a LARGE file, 1.0MB in size that may take some time to download if you only have a 56k dial-up connection.

Lord of the Rings Parody
Download PDF Download PDF
Lord of the Rings Parody
Get Acrobat Reader