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Monty Python: The Return of the King
Monty Python: The Return of the King
By James Haines (aka: Hstaphath)
Monty Python: The Fellowship of the Ring
Scene 7: The Prancing Pony
Monty Python: The Return of the King
Monty Python: The Return of the King
Narrator: Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry arrive in Bree and manage to make their way to the Inn of the Prancing Pony.
Barliman: Hobbits? Hobbits from the Shire?! That really should remind me of something. Hmmm... oh well, probably nothing important then. Come on in and make yourselves comfortable!
Frodo: Thank you, Mr. Butterbur.

Sam: (looking suspiciously around the large crowded parlor) I don't like the looks of some of these fell—
Pippin: Food!
Merry: Beer!
Frodo: Right you are, my friends. We need food and drink, but we must be on our guard. Merry, Pippin! Make sure you stay here and don't mention my real name or anything about my ring either.
Pippin: Stay here and mention your real name and the ring.
Merry: Hic!
Frodo: No, no. Don't mention my real name or anything about the ring.
Pippin: Don't mention your real name or the ring, so don't stay here.
Frodo: No, no, no. You stay here and get some food and drink.
Pippin: And don't mention your real name or the ring.
Merry: Hic!
Frodo: Right.
Pippin: We don't need to do anything, apart from mentioning your real name.
Frodo: No, no. Don't mention my real name.
Pippin: Or about the ring, yes.
Frodo: All right?
Pippin: Right. Oh, if-if-if, uh, if-if-if, uh, if-if-if we...
Frodo: Yes, what is it?
Pippin: Oh, if-if, oh—
Frodo: Look, it's quite simple.
Pippin: Uh...
Frodo: You just stay here and don't mention my real name or anything about the ring. All right?
Merry: Hic!
Frodo: Right.
Pippin: Oh, I remember. Uh, can we leave the room if we take Sam with us?
Frodo: N—No, no, no. You just stay in here, and make sure—
Pippin: Oh, yes, we'll stay in here, obviously. But if we had to leave and we took Sam with us—
Frodo: No, no, just stay in here—
Pippin: Get some food, drink, and mention your name—
Frodo: No, don't mention my real name—
Pippin: Don't mention your name.
Merry: Hic!
Frodo: ... or the ring.
Pippin: Or the ring.
Frodo: Right?
Pippin: Right, we'll stay here and get some food and drink.
Frodo: And, uh, make sure you don't mention my name.
Pippin: What?
Frodo: Make sure you don't mention my name.
Pippin: Frodo Baggins?
Frodo: Yes, make sure you don't mention it.
Pippin: Oh, yes, of course. I thought you meant Merry. Y'know, it seemed a bit daft, me not mentioning it to him when he already knows it too.
Frodo: Is that clear?
Merry: Hic!
Pippin: Oh, quite clear, no problems.
Frodo: Right. (starts to leave) Where are you going?
Pippin: We're coming with you.
Frodo: No no, I want you to stay here and get some food and drink.
Pippin: Oh, I see. Right.
Aragorn: Hello, I'm looking for a Mr. Baggins from the Shire. My name is Ara—errr... Strider. Just call me Strider.

Pippin: Aren't you in luck, Mr. Arerstrider! We brought one with us, show him your ring Frodo!
Sam: (smacking forehead) Hoy, we are so screwed!
Frodo: Shut your noise hole, Pippin! I'm "Mr. Underhill," you dolt!
Merry: Hic!
Frodo: Oh, Merry, go get a glass of water already.
Strider: Good thing for you that I am a friend of Gandalf's and am here to protect you. Your arrival has been observed and it isn't safe here. We will have to make a run for it first thing in the morning.
Frodo: Any chance we can accidentally leave Pippin and Merry here?
Pippin: Ha, ha, what a kidder! (loudly) Hey everyone, come and meet "Mr. Underhill" with his plain, old, ordinary gold ri—
[SMACK]

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