Utterpants has learned that Toronto is awash with sloe-eyed, raven-haired Romanian cuties, some as young as eighteen, desperate to earn a few bucks by dancing their butts off — or possibly another part of their anatomy. The city's strip clubs and bars, which are suffering a shortage of exotic dancers, have welcomed the brainy babes with open arms. Approximately 17,582 Romanian women were among a record 123,000 foreign strippers given work permits last year to table dance in Canadian girlie bars, immigration statistics show.

The girls are recruited in Romania where they are subjected to a rigorous series of checks by Canadian embassy staff, Russian taxi drivers and middle-aged US businessmen posing as gynaecologists before they are granted visas. Most end up flashing their tits in seedy Toronto-area clubs, but a few of the luckier ones are slipping across the border to find more gainful employment as interns in the White House.

"Canadian girls just aren't prepared to put out like these raunchy Romanian babes," Toronto club owner, Don Miller, told us gleefully. "These chicks will blow you for a couple cheetos and pair of Diesel jeans."
Bill La Branleur, a spokestypeperson for the Canadian Goverment, put it more directly: "Romanian strippers lead the pack in obtaining visas for Canada because they're highly intelligent, well educated, speak French, and are not afraid of getting their hands dirty on the job."

"You mean Canadian girls are just lazy, empty-headed bimbos who whinge about nothing in particular all day long?" we asked.
"Have you ever been to an Avril Lavigne concert?" he asked.
"Avril who?" we replied.

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