Cheerleaders sue Red Bull
By our chick in chambers,
Twenty-seven US cheerleaders have lodged a class action suit against Red Bull, claiming the popular pop made them pregnant
Not content with suing the pants off each other for wearing the same dress to the prom, or running over a Prada handbag with an SUV, the litigious daughters of America have lodged a class action suit against the Austrian manufacturer of Red Bull, after twenty-seven cheerleaders from Texas complained the popular pop made them pregnant.
Red Bull is already under investigation in Essex — or some other postage-stamp sized English county no American has ever heard of — after hundreds of young women acquired unexpected love-bundles after knocking back cans of the energy drink at an all night rave in Romford earlier this year.
girls all became pregnant after collapsing on the dance floor. One
distraught mother-to-be, who asked to remain anonymous, but insisted
we call her 'Sharon', told us her legs just gave way without any warning.
"The next thing I knew I was lying on me back in the car park wivout
me knickers." Six weeks later she discovered she was pregnant.
But unlike their American counterparts the plucky British lasses are
sanguine about their condition. As 'Sharon' (19¼) explained over
a Macchiato and Bacardi Breezer: "If I make a fuss they'll only
cut me benefit and give the flat to some stupid tart"
"Yeah," she replied with a pout, crossing her tanned legs and flicking back a strand of blond hair. "£198.74 a week aint to be sneezed at. Then there's all the extra dosh for maternity clothes, and the groovy flat. It's even got satellite telly and a whirlpool bath. It's dead kewl. Why would I wanna throw all that away on the off chance of sticking it to some faceless Austrian bloody drinks company?"
Why indeed. We put this very question to the attorney acting for the
twenty-seven cheerleaders from the aptly-named town of Cumby, in Texas.
"Don't you think that alcohol might have played a part in these
girls getting pregnant?" we asked her.
"Does that mean you'll be going after McDonald's next?"
© 2004 utterpants.co.uk