Official: smoking is good for you
By our cigarette-smoking woman behind the Bar, Miranda S Givings
In a dramatic U-turn that has stunned the world, the Irish Goverment today announced it intends to repeal the smoking ban it introduced less than six months ago
Hopes that the controversial ban would improve drinkers' health and turn the streets of Dublin into havens of tranquillity have been cruelly dashed as street violence, date rapes, and potentially fatal diseases such as cirrhosis of the liver, gastroenteritis and projectile vomiting continue to rise among Irish pub-goers.
Dr Shaun O'Malley, the Irish Minister of Health admitted to Utterpants
that health professionals were completely baffled by the phenomenon
until they realised that all the affected people had stopped smoking
in compliance with the ban.
"The Saturday night tummy bug which is laying our young girls
"So —" we asked dubiously, "are you telling us
smoking is actually good for you?"
Shaun's eyes lit up with a triumphant smile. "I taught that at
first, but we've talked to all the major Irish breweries and they dismissed
the idea that there is some mysterious bug going round all our pubs
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