Cox Merges With Ucker
|The merger of American media giant, Atlanta-based Cox Communications, with Ucker Media—a Californian provider of internet services, drew embarrassed giggles from adolescent boys when it was announced that the new company would be called Cox-Ucker Inc|
With a startling ignorance of the double entendre which is characteristic of many Americans, a leading US networking expert we did not speak to, but who is sure to send us a cease and desist notice for mentioning that she has been cheating on her husband for eight years, said: "I have enjoyed Cox for many years and hope this new Cox-Ucker will perform even better."
Martha Focker, a spokestypeperson for the newly formed, throbbing telecommunications powerhouse told Utterpants: "With the merger of these two media giants over 49% of US citizens will have a huge Cox-Ucker servicing them 24/7, 365 days a year!"
"How will you manage that?" we asked.
The new company has already changed its stationery whilst its offshore corporate support centre, in downtown Canton, China, now greets customers with a breezy recorded message that says: 'Thank you for calling Cox-Ucker...your call is valuable to us and a fully-trained Cox-Ucker will be with you shortly.'
A spokestypeperson for Qwest Communications, formerly Cox's biggest competitor, graciously consented to delay their leap from the window ledge of their 28th floor office to sob disconsolately: "We can't compete against this Cox-Ucker. It's the end for Qwest. Could you let the wife and the kiddies know I love them?"
Story © 2006 Jeff Vachon. Picture and design © 2006 utterpants.co.uk / 030306