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Royal Sex scandal rocks Britain!Royal Sex scandal rocks Britain!

By our man in the Royal mews, Derek Tree

Unknown woman accused of unspecified acts of a compromising nature with senior member of the British Royal Family

Unattributable sources on the Internet are alleging that an unknown woman was involved in unspecified acts of a compromising nature with a senior, unnamed member of the British Royal Family. The unsavoury details of these acts are alleged to have been recorded on an undiscovered tape by an unrevealed individual shortly before their death in a tragic road traffic accident. The tape, which is missing, is reputed to contain explicit details of unspecified acts of depravity, which are alleged to have taken place in an unrevealed location between the unknown woman and an unidentified, Senior Royal at unreported times on uncertain dates during recent, unstated years. The whereabouts of the tape, and the identity of the individual who recorded it, remain undetermined.

Utterpants can exclusively reveal that these appalling allegations are completely unfounded. The unattributable sources responsible for making them are in receipt of undisclosed remuneration from an unnamable organisation which has orchestrated an unscrupulous campaign to besmirch the reputation of a fine young woman, and bring down the British Royal Family. Unfortunately, we have had to sign a non-disclosure agreement with an anonymous official of an unidentifiable security service, which makes it impossible for us to reveal the unknown information on the undiscovered tape which would exonerate the unnamed member of the Royal Family from any involvement with the unknown woman in the unspecified acts which are alleged to have taken place between them.

We wish to make it clear that Miranda S Givings is a person of unimpeachable morality and probity who has dedicated her life to helping prominent young men suffering from a wide variety of personal problems. Unconfirmed claims by unnamed sources alleging that she used the special position she may have obtained within the Royal Family through her pioneering work in the field of trisexual psycho-therapeutics, to perform lewd acts of an unspecified nature upon the person of an unnamed Royal, are entirely without foundation.

Miranda has been particularly hurt by allegations that she received an undisclosed sum from an unspecified senior member of the British Royal Family in exchange for not revealing the unknown information recorded on an undiscovered tape by an unnamed individual shortly before their death in a tragic, road traffic accident. Ms Givings strenuously denies that she ever provided any services to any members of the Royal Family which involved the use of an unidentified item alleged to have been employed during unspecified acts of a compromising nature which did not take place between herself and the unknown senior member of the British Royal Family.

It remains to be seen whether the dark forces behind this anonymous campaign will succeed in their vile plot to topple the British Royal Family by their continued assertion of these unsubstantiated allegations, and so ruin the reputation of one of the world's great benefactresses.

One thing is certain, our webmistress will not take this lying down. We can confirm that this attractive and determined young woman will bend over backwards to get to the bottom of this vile conspiracy, and expose the slippery tools employed by the unidentified members of the unknown organisation which has orchestrated this malicious and unfounded campaign against her.

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© 2003 utterpants.co.uk

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