"American women feel empty inside," California psychiatrist Dr Janelle Jerkovitz told Utterpants. "So empty that their only escape from themselves is try to return to the happiest years of their life, when things were simple — when they were carefree teens. By surrendering their adulthood they are in effect placing their bare bottoms over their mother's knees and handing her the hairbrush."
"You mean these adult women really want mummy to spank them?" we asked.
"You bet," replied Dr Jerkovitz, loosening her fraternity tie. "Once they realise how cute they look in a school uniform, they can't wait to get down to Wal-Mart and recapture the carefree security of their teenage years."

Kim Rogers, a twenty-nine-year-old accountant, from South Bend, Indiana, is typical of the hundreds of US women who are turning their backs on the responsibilities of adulthood and baring their bottoms to the parental paddle. "My mom and the salesclerk agreed that my 'little apple boobies' were too small for my Wonder Bras, so now I wear these cool little half shirts that totally flatten out my chest," enthused the petite born again teen. "Every outfit I have shows my belly button, and my panties all have cute little clowns and animals on them. I didn't realise how young I looked until I got into an argument about my hairstyle at the beauty salon," she added sheepishly. "Mom just turned me over her knee, pulled up my school skirt and took down my 'Barney' panties and all of the other women in the parlour just laughed! I came home from the mall with my face as red as my bottom — and my once stylish hair in pigtails!"

Across North America young women are finding their 'second childhood' is filled with similar surprises.
"As a school administrator I've always been jealous of my students' uncomplicated lives," Jenna Garner, 26, from British Columbia, told Utterpants. "So naturally I jumped at the chance to spend a sabbatical year as a teenage student. Imagine my surprise when my mom enrolled me as a student at my own school!"

Ms Garner went on to tell us that it wasn't until she donned the outfits she used to complain about herself that she realized just how short the skirts were. "I was like, constantly trying to cover my panties," she gushed. "My old joke that 'short skirts are easier to raise at spanking time!' rang hollow as I watched my grinning mother complete the 'Corporal Punishment Authorisation' forms! Miss Lash, the gym teacher, didn't hesitate to swat my little pussy when I didn't jump high enough or run fast enough," the disturbed young woman giggled.

We asked Dr Janelle Jerkovitz what is driving these sick women to subject themselves to such appalling abuse. "Adulthood is frightening," explained the smartly dressed counsellor. "Which is why stripping away their financial and parental responsibilities is so attractive to these young women. They are crying out for discipline and the firm hand their husbands and partners aren't giving them."
But many of these "born again teens" are finding their new roles leave them vulnerable to exploitation and vengeance.

LAPD officer Kelly DeLuca, 27, had been strict and uncompromising when she had babysat for Ashley Richards ten years earlier. But now Ashley was 19, and when Ms DeLuca's mother called and asked her to baby-sit 'cute little Kelly,' Ashley jumped at the chance for payback.

"I called my boyfriend Brad to come over and help," Ashley explained to us, her voice dripping with malicious glee. "He's my age, and he'd been terrorized by that bitch Kelly back when she was the babysitter from Hell. You should have seen the look on Kelly's face when her mom gave me permission to spank her 'panties down' if she 'acted up.' Needless to say Kelly was the perfect little angel and fetched and carried for us all evening," Ashley chortled gleefully. "All I had to do was tap her hairbrush against her cute little butt and smile sweetly at the little slut!"
"What happened then?" we asked.

"Kelly kept it together pretty well until Brad and I took her upstairs for her bath," the teenager explained. "She didn't want to undress in front of us, and she practically threw a tantrum when we started removing her top and bra ourselves. Brad and I nearly laughed ourselves silly when we saw the little 'Winnie the Pooh' panties she was wearing! Well naturally I used her 'disobedience' as my excuse to spank her. I bent her right over the tub til her little titties were in the water, slid her cute panties down and used the bath brush to paddle her tight buns until she begged for mercy! She was pretty good during her bath, even though I could tell she didn't really like me watching while Brad washed all of those 'hard to reach spots."

Many mothers are surprised by their own reaction to disciplining their daughters."My daughter graduated with Honours from Stanford Law School," another mother confided to us. "She still thinks she can argue her way out of anything. But she soon loses her ginger when she sees the hairbrush in my hand. Now when she sasses me she ends up pleading her case with her bare bottom wiggling over my knee," chuckled the forty-two-year-old hairdresser. "Exercising my maternal authority is very empowering, and it's wonderful to finally win an argument with my daughter. The brush is my gavel, and all my decisions are final!"

Although some born again American teens regret their decision the vast majority adapt quickly and successfully — aided in no small part by their mother's handy hairbrush. The increasing popularity of this sickening trend has prompted one state legislature to codify the trend into law.

"The new Born Again Teen Act will allow a woman to transfer legal, financial, and disciplinary control back to their actual or a surrogate mother with a one page notarised form," Michigan State Legislator Sandy Shufflebotham told Utterpants. "The Born Again Teen is allowed to specify a time limit when she signs the form, but naturally all of the other details are left up to her mom."

When we asked the thirty-two year-old Representative whether she would sign such a form if the proposal becomes law, she was enthusiastic. "My Mom and I have already argued about the clothes I'll wear," laughed the leggy legislator coyly. "I don't think she'll really make me wear all of those teenybopper clothes she has in my closet, but I've gone on a diet just in case."

"What about the parental discipline?" we asked
Representative Shufflebotham blushed. "My Mom bought a paddle with the words, 'For Sandy's BARE Bottom' inscribed on it, along with a little picture of a bear rubbing its fanny," she admitted nervously. "But I think she's just trying to scare me. I mean — she wouldn't really spank me — not on my bare...would she?" Sandy pleaded, her voice trailing off huskily.

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