Royal Navy defends Halloween Sex Orgy
By our correspondent who is not unfamiliar with Seaman Staines,
Miranda S Givings
|LONDON - The Royal Navy today hit back at critics who have accused the senior service of 'pandering to the perverted practices of a minority of sick women' by giving the green light to Satanism on board Her Majesty's ships|
The row erupted earlier this week when sub lieutenant Christine Mountjoy was granted permission to carry out a Pagan Halloween ritual on board a British warship under laws protecting religious freedom. Christine, an attractive single mother of four from Chigwell, in Essex, has been described by her commanding officer as 'an upstanding member of society' and by Tory MP, Anne Widdecombe, as 'an evil little harlot who has sex with demons'—by which we assume she means Labour party members.
Pert-breasted Christine has been enthusiastically preparing for Halloween—or Samhain, as it is called by the Witches’ coven of which she is the High Priestess —since Monday. Ms Mountjoy styles herself 'The Handmaiden of the Society of the Black Cock'—a shadowy cult led by a mysterious figure known only to his followers by the seminal sobriquet of 'Seaman Staines.'
The Defence Ministry has dismissed accusations by leading Churchmen
that Ms Mountjoy is a filthy slut hell bent on getting her perverted
jollies from sacrificing chickens and drinking the blood of virgins
during Halloween as 'preposterous', pointing out that as senior catering
officer, the 28-year-old single mum can 'hardly prepare Coq au Vin without
cutting up a few capons.'
But this defence carries little weight with the right-wing moral crusader, Anne Widdecombe, who alleges that the slim, attractive blond:
talked to the naughty naval officer's 56-year-old mother at her neat
terraced home in Chigwell and asked her what all the fuss was about.
Sub lieutenant Christine Mountjoy, who serves on the aptly named Royal
Navy destroyer, Babylon, was given permission to celebrate
Halloween at sea by her commanding officer, Captain Nick DeVille, who
has openly admitted he is 'sympathetic to alternative religions.'
"Really?" we replied. "We think the
Church might disagree with you."
"That's probably for the best," we agreed. "She'd have the Devil's own job dislodging the Prime Minister's tongue."
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