Porn sights for the Blind?|
A hard-hitting report by our woman astride the web, Miranda S Givings
|Adult Webmasters face fines, imprisonment and transportation as British do-gooders insist they make porn websites accessible to disabled users|
There's been widespread speculation amongst Adult webmasters about the impact of the UK's latest amendments to the new Disability Discrimination Act on the Web. One veteran cybernaut called it 'surreal'. Another was more scathing: "What are these wacked-out wankers smoking? They're all barking mad!"
The new legislation being introduced makes it a criminal offence punishable by up to 56 years in Bellmarsh prison, a £500,000 fine, or transportation to the Falkland Islands for Adult websites to deny access to disabled users. Trying to find information about the Act on the Net is proving more difficult than locating a regular verb in the speeches of US President G 'Dubya' Bush. We trawled the world-wide-wait for three days and came up empty handed. Two of the most gung-ho advocates for 'accessible' websites are the Byzantine DRB (Disabled Rights Board) and the shortsighted RNIVC (Royal National Institute for the Visually Challenged).
When we contacted the DRB, a spokesperson told us: "We have no
specific information about the specifics of what websites specifically
need to do in order to meet the legal requirements specified in the
"Fucking brilliant!" ejaculated Greg Foulson, the forthright
founder of 'Web Watchers Anonymous' - an online
organisation dedicated to promoting the rights of webmasters world-wide.
"These guys are so far up their own butts you couldn't prize them
out with a fucking can opener!" Mr Foulson, 36, a native of Sunnydale,
California, was clearly not very happy about the potential impact of
the UK's draconian Disability
Discrimination Act on the multi-million dollar cyber-porn
empire he runs from Britain. He did not mince his words when we interviewed
him at his plush office on the 26th floor of the Blair Tower in London's
Other webmasters we spoke to were equally dismissive of the new legislation. "What next?" said one, "online Radio for the Deaf? Street signs in Braille?" Another lashed out at the wave of 'political correctness' sweeping the nation: "Pretty soon only deaf, one-eyed, legless, lesbians will be left in this bloody country. All the rest of us will be imprisoned on some tiny island in the middle of the Atlantic, guarded by American squaddies wielding cattle prods. Is that what you want, eh?"
Have the do-gooders gone too far this time? We put our concerns to Lady Camilla Parker-Gossard, the President of the RNIVC (Royal National Institute for the Visually Challenged). "The Institute acknowledges that service providers may face some special challenges in meeting the legal requirements of the Act," cooed the slim, sophisticated, twenty-seven-year old ex lady-in-waiting to Her Majesty Queen Liz II. "That's why we've extended the deadline for ISP's to the 29 February 2005."
"Don't you think that's a little short to devise a way of transmitting
digital images in a format that is accessible to the blind?" we
"And if they don't?"
All the webmasters we spoke to remain unconvinced that there is any technology that would allow them to make images of 'cum-slurping sluts' accessible to the blind. When we tried to speak to the UK's Minister for the Disabled, the aptly name Eileen Over, we were told that she was attending a conference in Texas on Discrimination Against Short Fat Ugly Bitches with Red Hair.
© 2004 utterpants.co.uk