Girls smarter than Boys say top Scientists
By our filly with her finger on the belly button of Teen Culture,
|In what has been hailed by many as the medical discovery of the century, and by the US Viagra industry as 'feminist hogwash', two leading British biologists claim to have found a new hormone which they say is responsible for the superior academic achievement of teenage girls|
"Make no mistake about it," a bloke in a white lab coat told Utterpants, wringing his hands in despair. "The male sex does not yet know what's going to hit it. Once employers get wind of these findings unemployment among teenage boys will go through the roof."
The newly discovered hormone — hypothalagesterone — or 'pussy smart' as the press have cheekily dubbed it, is claimed to be released by the hypothalamus during intense clitoral orgasms. The clinical tests, conducted over a three year period by leading researchers at London's prestigious Centre for Neuro-sexual Studies found that teenage girls who masturbated to orgasm at least five times a week scored approximately 27.28% higher in examinations than girls who were either sexually inactive, or engaged in regular intercourse with male partners.
"We were simply astonished by the results," gushed Gabriella Lovejoy — one of the two biologists who discovered hypothalagesterone. "At first we thought that the computer had malfunctioned, or that the subjects we'd chosen were exceptionally brainy, but when Dr Bartholin pointed out that all the girls were from trailer parks in Essex and the computer was running Microsoft software we knew the results must be correct."
"Why clitoral orgasms?" we asked.
"So, what you're telling us is that sex makes you smart?"
New statistics just published seem to confirm the biologists' findings that, on average, teenage girls who masturbate regularly scored some 486% higher than boys across a broad spectrum of academic skills including needlework, domestic science and SMS messaging, prompting the Confederation of British Businessmen (CBB) to call for an immediate ban on the sale of sex toys to women under 65. Not to be outdone, UK Chief Rabbi, Dr Jonathan Sucz, has asked the Department of Health to introduce compulsory female circumcision to 'nip this unfair and unacceptable advantage in the bud,' as he put it.
We put their concerns to Dr Lovejoy.
© 2004 utterpants.co.uk / 190404 /A250605