Short, Fat Ugly Women Risk Heart Disease
By our little cracker in the kitchen,
|A recent study has revealed that short, fat ugly women with red hair and greasy skin are more likely to develop heart disease — as well as fail to score with guys, except at McDonald's on a Sunday, when they may get off with a short, fat bearded guy called Kev|
Unless you're a tall, slim, gorgeous hottie like our reporter (left), the chances are that you are already on your way to intensive care easy street in a coronary care unit. According to a report just published in the ever popular Women's magazine 'Microwaveable Meals in Minutes' — the likelihood of women suffering heart disease increases by approximately 94.78 percent for every extra inch of flab.
The study of more than 1,947 British women aged between 25 and 55 found a clear link between height, weight, hair colour and the risk of developing coronary heart disease, as well as more serious medical conditions such as spots, genital warts, breast hair and thrush.
The author of the report, Dr Anna Rexia, told Utterpants:
"a short stature, red hair and obesity are statistically significant
proxies for environmental factors which affect both the growth of the
bones in the legs and also have a long-term effect on coronary insufficiency."
"You don't think it could have something to do with all the crap
these fat, ugly women stuff their faces with?" we asked.
Dr Rexia went on to tell us that similar studies have shown that the
children of tall, dark, handsome men also face less risk of heart disease.
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