Fish Turning Men Gay
By our woman in the fishnet tights,
A new study reveals that Macho Man may soon be an endangered species due to the increasing levels of female hormones being pumped into our rivers and seas
The authors of the controversial report, published today by NAFF (National Association of Fish Fanciers), surveyed approximately 151,357 British males between the ages of sixteen and fifty-two who regularly ate fish-based products. Over two thirds of the men exhibited marked female characteristics such as periodic moodiness, low self-esteem and increased sensitivity to personal criticism. 66% admitted to indecisiveness and obsessive concern about their appearance, while more than three-quarters said they were very worried about their weight and broke down in tears if their authority was questioned.
The report has been given the seal of approval by the Ministry of Health who admitted to Utterpants that the findings had 'serious implications for future generations because anything more than a moderate change in a man's sexual organs makes it much harder to reproduce.'
Their fears were echoed by one anonymous Sales Manager from Romford,
who took time out from trying on his wife's underwear to talk to us.
His tragic story is not unusual. More than a third of the men surveyed had experienced a 57% increase in the size of their breasts, ninety-eight had begun lactating, and 9,463 had bought panty-liners. Of the remainder, over half were involved in long-term homosexual relationships, or had started hanging around public toilets.
"There is sufficient evidence of harm that the Goverment is considering restricting sales of fish and fish-products to women in order to control this devastating threat to male sexuality," commented Dr Andrew Dabb, the Director of the Environmental Protection Agency. The agency, which monitors environmental pollution throughout the UK, said the sex changes were the result of fish being exposed to treated sewage which contained high levels of female hormones as a result of women taking the contraceptive pill.
The irony of the situation was not lost on the good doctor who added
"Sounds like a case of cod moving in a mysterious way to us,"