| Gwyneth Paltrow gives birth to Apple|
By our IT consultant, Miranda S Givings
|Award-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow rocked the world of gynaecology today when she gave birth to the world's first super computer|
The bouncing baby, aptly named 'Apple Lisa Macintosh'
by her delighted parents, was delivered by a crack team of Taiwanese
hardware engineers at a London hospital after what Paltrow's husband,
IT consultant, Chris Martin, described as 'a triumph of technology
over Nature.' Baby Apple weighed in at an astonishing 9 pounds,
11 ounces — some 30 pounds lighter than any previous human computer.
Gwyneth's gynaecologist, Dr Steven Jobsworth, told Utterpants
he was 'ecstatic' at the news and went on to enthuse about this
miracle of 21st Century medical science:
The proud parents are equally enthusiastic about Apple's precocious
development as we discovered when we telephoned Gwyneth Paltrow at her
But how was this incredible miracle accomplished? Dr Steven Jobsworth
"It was Professor Wozniak who chose the name Apple," Gwyneth told us. "I wanted to call her Apricot, but Steve said that might lead to her being teased at school. I mean, what sort of parents would we be if we named our daughter after a fruit?"
Read the follow-up to this story: Computer Giant to sue Gwyneth Paltrow
Story © 2004 Miranda S Givings. Pictures and design © 2004 utterpants.co.uk