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Israel attacks Palestinian Refugee Camps Israel Attacks Palestinian Refugee Camps



By our mullah in the mosque,
Robert Carey

Israeli infantry accompanied by tanks, helicopter gunships, bulldozers and several property developers clutching theodolites and tape measures, swept deep into Palestinian refugee camps on the West Bank today after what Prime Minister Ariel Sharon described as 'A shocking graffiti attack on the Wailing Wall'

Ariel Sharon ordered his forces to advance into the camps after empty spray cans found in an adjacent back street with pictures of the deceased humanitarian Palestinian rap star, Yasser Arafat, printed on them, aroused the suspicions of Mossad—the Israeli secret service.

So far, UN observers say that approximately 59,207 suspected graffiti artists have lost their jobs, and up to 300 women and children rendered homeless after their luxury villas were razed to the ground. Broadband Internet and cable TV supplies have been cut, supplies of chicken soup and Gefilte fish have been seriously interrupted. Sources not anywhere near Palestine, but who watched the attacks from the safety of their hotel bedroom in Tel Aviv, report that widespread unrest is imminent, which has prompted Benjamin Netanyahu to cancel a short holiday in Crawford, Texas.

After the initial foray into the camps, Sharon announced that his government was not prepared to tolerate such heinous attacks on sacred Israeli institutions. A source from the Israeli Embassy who we didn't actually speak to, but who bellowed through our letterbox, told Utterpants:
"This is only the start of a concentrated campaign to rid the Palestinian territories of all paint spray cans, crayons, coloured pencils, felt-tip pens, biros, and any other implements that could possibly be used to write things on walls."
"Isn't that a little harsh," we shouted back. "Palestinian kiddies won't have anything to write their thank you notes to Mr Sharon with, will they?"
"Tough!" snarled the spokestypeperson. “It’s bad enough that Palestinian terrorists paint insulting slogans about us on their own side of the 90 metre high wall we’re building to separate us from them, but when they start scribbling that Ariel Sharon is a woopsie who takes it up the bottom from Mr Bush, it's time to stop treating them with kid gloves."

"But surely you're depriving Palestinian children of the right to learn by destroying all their pencils?" we objected.
“Pencils are going to be the least of their worries when we start blowing up their schools," retorted the irate Israeli. It's high time they learned their place and stayed in it."
"And where is that?"
"In the ghetto we're building for them."
"Isn't that what the nazis did to you?"
"Yes, but we're doing it to rid the world of terrorists."
"Well, that's all right then. For a moment there we thought you might be contemplating genocide."

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Story © Robert Carey. Picture and construction © 2004 utterpants.co.uk

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