Tara Reid Tits Out Again!
|'American Pie' actress and rising 'B-List' teen heartthrob, Tara Reid, left the UK in a huff today after failing to raise an eyebrow among London's jaded paparazzi, when her left boob 'accidentally' popped out during a routine security scan at Heathrow airport|
Self-confessed 'wild child' Reid, no stranger to reprising bit parts in 'B' movies, was said to be 'livid' after British Customs officers politely asked her to move on when she whipped off her top in the hope of grabbing the attention of reporters waiting for Victoria Beckham. The clueless tartlet then waved her left boob in the face of a Daily Mirror photographer, who was heard to mutter: 'Push off you stupid slapper.'
Undaunted, Reid then approached a security guard, and insisted he scan
her breasts. "I'm pierced!", she shouted
hysterically, "What ya gonna do about it?"
With the consideration for which the British are justifiably famous, the security guard waited until Ms Reid had reached a noisy climax before retrieving his somewhat sticky riot stick. With such ribald comments as "her pussy looks worse than her tits," ringing in her ears, the sobbing actress was then assisted into the arms of a passing plastic surgeon, who kindly offered to examine her in the privacy of his Harley Street surgery. Ms Reid (29), who was in London promoting her new film whose name momentarily escapes us, has vowed never to visit the UK again.
An American Lawyer whom we didn't consult, but who our office girl, Olga, claims is sleeping with her, told her that it was now a standard contractual requirement for US 'stars' to flash their left boob in public when their careers are on the slide. "They all do it," he is alleged to have said during a regrettable post-coital lapse of client confidentiality, "only Tara forgot her audience were a bunch of cynical British Fleet Street hacks and not a crowd of Republican Christians at the Super Bowl."
caught up with the security guard, thirty-four-year-old father-of-two,
Alvin Mistry, over a pint in the Heathrow Mile High Club, where
he explained why the British press hadn't picked up on the story.
"I do put it like that," continued Alvin, warming to his theme. "This is Heathrow, mate, not the bleedin' Super Bowl! We had Christina Agui-whatshername through here last week and she flashed her bum when she dropped her Rabbit. Did it make the Tabloids? Did it buggery! Now, if that cute arse Zoe from 'EastEnders' swanned in here wearing an arse-grazing pelmet, and the lads copped an eyeful of her labial piercing, I'd have been on the dog to the Sun faster than you can say 'designer thongs.' But another walking Hollywood tit scaffold? Give me a break, mate. And why is it that it's always the left boob these dozy tarts flash? Do girls only have one tit in America?"
put this pointed question to Frank Matthews, a senior Customs Officer
at Heathow airport.
"We understand that badly pixelated images of Ms Reid's boob-slip
at P Diddy's 35th birthday party are selling for $500 each on the Internet,"
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