Linda Ronstadt lynched by angry mob|
By our reporter amongst the rednecks,
Miranda S Givings
|Crawford, Texas — The National Guard were called out today in this peace-loving American backwater famous for its snakeoil salesmen and porn stars, when acclaimed country singer, Linda Ronstadt was lynched by the 'Knights of the Bush' — a breakaway terrorist organisation thought to have links with the Ku Klux Klan|
The 4,500 strong male crowd were in typical Texan high spirits, joking about 'pounding some teen ass after whipping us a few niggers', when the outspoken rock legend compared filmmaker Michael Moore to Abraham Lincoln and called his new movie Fahrenheit 9/11 a 'wake up call to America'. Her comments immediately drew loud boos and many of the men in attendance stormed out of the theatre. The rest began tearing down concert posters and mooning at Ms Ronstadt — or moaning — we're not quite sure which, as our reporter was unable to distinguish one end of a Texan from the other.
Ms Ronstadt (58) then launched into the aptly named 'Busherado' — a popular ditty about a washed-up world leader who wants what he can't have and the remaining rednecks demanded that she be lynched on the spot — or possibly at a convenient location nearby where thoughtful local Sheriff, Enos 'mad dog' Gillespie, had tied a stout length of rope to a magnolia tree, 'just in case o' trouble' as he modestly put it to our reporter.
"It was a very ugly scene," Sheriff Gillespie told Utterpants.
"That Californian commie lovin', cum-guzzlin' bitch praised that
un-American asshole and all of a sudden all hell broke loose."
"So why did the 'Knights of the Bush' lynch Ms Ronstadt?"
"Then how do you explain it was your rope that hung her?"
"Well, we can see you have things well under control here, Sheriff,"
we commented. "Thank you for taking the time to talk to us."
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