Paris Hilton Playboy Spread delayed
By our woman behind the camera,
|Fans of the popular men's magazine, Playboy, breathed a sigh of dismay today — or possibly sobbed into a Kleenex they happened to have handy — when the publishers announced that the eagerly awaited Paris Hilton spread, originally due to hit newstands this month, has been delayed indefinitely|
Paris’ publicist, who at first denied that any photos had been taken, then later confessed he might have 'cracked off a few test polaroids', finally admitted to Utterpants that he had shot several rolls of film when we confronted him with a dozen glossy 10x8's which we received in a brown envelope from an anonymous woman in sunglasses who insisted we call her 'Ms Smith.'
“Paris was kinda hoping for them to be released in July to tie in with the finale of Simple Life 2," confessed the publicist sheepishly over a latte. "Y'know, for a little added exposure? But there were a few — ah, printing problems at Playboy’s end, and she has had to re-shoot the entire set. She was totally devastated that they wouldn’t make the press deadline for the July issue.”
Paris Hilton, a typically modest and retiring US actress, hotel heiress and up-and-coming model, had recently signed a contract with Parlux Inc., to develop her own fragrance and 'related' products line. Parlux, who were also anticipating a July release of the Playboy spread, which was to have included a special 'scratch and sniff' area for subscribers, told Utterpants: “This definitely hurts our bottom line. We were in full production until we received news of the delay. Now we may have to find another clueless blond bimbo — er, we mean, 'talented celebrity' — to flog our products. Our lawyers are considering legal action against Playboy for the disruption."
Anna Nicole Smith, a frequent Playboy Mansion visitor, and even more frequent Playboy playgirl, has been slated to appear in the July issue instead of Paris. “When Hughy called and said that he needed me, what girl wouldn’t jump? I am always willing to take my clothes off for a good cause," cooed the blonde tartlet modestly.
Hugh Heffner was sanguine about the delay when we spoke to him via our bluetooth satellite uplink. “I viewed the photos of Paris immediately after the shoot. They lacked sparkle, lacked originality. We decided to scrap the entire set and try to re-shoot once Miss Hilton’s television show was complete. It's going to be a tough challenge to try to find something in Paris that America hasn’t seen before.”
Story and picture © 2004 Georgia Prince. Design and construction © 2004 utterpants.co.uk