Olsen Twins vow to save Beavers
By our woman with her fingers in America's dirty laundry,
|The Canadian Beaver Sanctuary, officially opened earlier this year by Cher and Tippi Hendren thanks to a generous donation from popular pop princess, Britney Spears, is in serious financial difficulty after an incident in which Paris Hilton's pussy was allegedly terrorized by an overeager male beaver
Mojave Desert, California — Lawyers acting on behalf of the heiress to the Hilton chain of table-dancing clubs, have demanded damages of more than $26 million from the cash-strapped charity in compensation for the 'mental cruelty' suffered by her traumatized little kitty. Ms Hilton was said to be 'livid' and has threatened to cancel her forthcoming tour of Khyrghistan — or some other place where no one has ever heard of the modest and retiring model — unless Cher publicly apologises far calling her 'a hideous crack whore with her head up her fat ass."
The outlook was looking extremely bleak for the thousands of neglected beavers that have found refuge in the sanctuary. Many are too old to gather wood, some cannot feed themselves properly, whilst others simply want someone to stroke their fur, so they can hold their heads up again in the community. It was shocking facts like these that touched the hearts of the Olsen Twins, who today pledged to auction their cherries to save the beavers from eviction.
Utterpants caught up with Mary-Kate and Ashley in the Sanctuary's
grooming room where the loveable Twins took time out from combing the
knots from Cher's favourite beaver 'Sonny', to talk to us.
"Yeah," cooed Mary-Kate proudly, "Don't ya think it's
a totally kewl name?"
"Well, just so long as you're not trying milk your popularity, girls," we replied, "or you could end up with more than cream on your pretty faces."
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