Angelina Jolie rutted by Chocolate Moose
By our man who is no stranger to back alleys,
|A mysterious videotape featuring highly talented, cock thirsty actress and sometime tabloid Lesbian, Angelina Jolie, has been circulating the Utterpants offices like Februarys unsurprising Syphilis outbreak|
According to an anonymous bloke in dark glasses who we have since sacked, the tape contains 'Graphic yet flattering images' of Angelina being 'Penetrated like the Newcastle Defence' by a veritable platoon of wild and semi domesticated animals of varying size and specie who splatter the squealing slapper with their creamy, joy juice.'
In one particular scene Ms Jolie applies a generous dollop of alcohol free Lube to her well ridden rawhide and squeals in unholy pleasure as Bobby the Moose (No relation to Bobby 'The Moose' Marino, the infamous Mafia Assassin who attempted to murder the entire cast of Sex in the City in April 2001) climbs on her tastefully tattooed back and ruts her up the 'Khyber Pass' like a rabid beast to the tune of Scotch Jock’s eponymous 1962 classic, 'There’s a Moose Loose about this Hoose.'
After five minutes of brutal pelvic grinding action, Bobby (Who was last seen playing a very convincing Elk in the 1988 Aykroyd / Candy classic 'The Great Outdoors') is seen to withdraw his woolly wand from Angelina’s Chocolate Alley and unloads like an American Soldier in an Iraqi orphanage all over the walking tit scaffold's flushed, botoxed face.
What follows, according to one senior Utterpants writer, is a 'Steamy shagfest of animal lust during which the cum-guzzling slut repeatedly stretches her chocolate starfish to admit a collection of animals that Noah himself would have had trouble hunting and gathering.' Although we do not have room on this website to list all the individuals that take it in turns to lick, suck and spray the sapphic slapper to one shattering multiple orgasm after another, the cast of creatures is thought to include Babe the Pig, Beasley of Turner and Hooch fame, 101 Dalmatians, Simba the Lion, Dumbo, Pepé Le Pew, Pete’s Dragon, Jaws and an ageing, but Athletic, Mr Ed.
"Make no mistake," gushed a breathless Keli McTaggart (32-24-33), "these animals drive Angie to more orgasms than I've had hot chocolate in less time than it takes to suck the cream off a frothing cappuccino."
When we attempted to contact Ms Jolie regarding this bestial B-Movie, her publicist, Rita Rock, told us: “Angelina is unavailable for comment at this time as she is currently in Africa filming the long awaited sequel, Gorillas in the Mist 2: The Musical. But when she returns in six or seven years, she is sure she will have had ample opportunity to fashion a story that explains how she was tricked into being filmed taking it up Cadbury Alley like a two-bit hooker, before munching on the hideously engorged member of a flightless, underage animated Elephant."
Story ©Lorenzo Cassanell. Design and construction © 2005 utterpants.co.uk/ 210405