Nadia Almada to return to Big Brother
|You might not know it, but she’s back. Walking transsexual tit-scaffold, Nadia Almada, the elated winner of last year’s Big Brother, has returned to the house to defend her crown, this time in the form of a tin of Spam|
The Portuguese-born bank clerk ran away with last year’s £60,000 prize after voters warmed to her plea to be accepted as a transsexual—or possibly to cop a feel of her size 32FF 'fun-sized plums.' The show’s producers were reportedly so happy with the general goodwill caused by affording the public an easy, if entirely specious, way of alleviating its gender prejudices that they offered Ms Almada a further five-figure sum to undergo surgery to take on the form of the much-maligned pork product.
“Getting Nadia in there was
a stroke of genius,” a spokestypeperson for Channel 4 told Utterpants.
“Sending a text message to keep her in the Big Brother
house may have been a patronising and unforgivably crude way for the
public to accept a minority figure into mainstream society, but it sure
as hell raised her profile—if not a few stiffies among the audience.
Now we hope to rescue Spam from its dwindling sales and poor public
image via similar means."
Story © 2005 Donald Twain. Design and construction © 2005 utterpants.co.uk / 300606