Police look into crack in Britney Spear's bottom Police discover crack in Britney's bottom

By our woman with her fingers in America's dirty laundry, Brianna Banks
Troubled teen idol Britney Spears, was just getting used to being back on top when a shopping trip with her mom and sister landed her flat on her bottom again

The curvaceous 22-year-old pop tartlet was quizzed by police officers yesterday after her mom tried to run over a suspicious object in her four wheel drive SUV while the threesome were out shopping. One onlooker alleged Lynne Spears (36DD-30-48) deliberately reversed over an item which had fallen out of Britney's bottom.

Soon afterwards, police seized a small plastic vial and hustled Ms Spears away for questioning. One eyewitness who watched the drama unfold through high-powered binoculars from an eighth floor apartment three blocks away, told Utterpants: "Britney's mom reversed over something lying in the road at high speed. Britney went down on all fours screaming obscenities; she looked panic-stricken."

Police later revealed to us that a crack team of DEA investigators, twenty-six traffic cops, fourteen male stenographers and possibly two fat guys who were delivering pizzas at the time, made a thorough examination of Britney Spears' bottom and found nothing unusual.

"The item taken from Ms Spears' bottom was a suppository containing Anurex — a harmless medicine — and not, as we at first suspected, crack cocaine," commented a smiling sergeant Seymour Butts.
"Well — that'll be a big relief to our readers," we replied. "We wouldn't want them to think Britney's a washed-up junky slut who's reduced to selling crack to make ends meet, now would we?"

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