"So —," we asked Mr Wood, "Is it true you creamed Britney's butt?"
"I didn't mean to," explained the Kentucky hillbilly, "It just kinda slipped out when she was strokin' her tits."
"Let us get this straight, Mr, er — Wood, you had anal sex with Britney Spears?"
"Oh shit! Nothing like that man," protested the delivery boy with a blush. "I dropped a six pack of whipping cream into her water butt when I was delivering her groceries."

"Well, that's a relief. But our readers may be still be a little unclear as to why Ms Spears was stroking her tits at the time."
"She always stroked them birds after she fed 'em."
"Birds, Mr Wood?"
"Blue tits. She kept blue tits."
"We can't help noticing that you keep using the past tense, Floyd. Did something happen to Ms Spear's tits?"
"I kinda squashed them when I fell over her ass."
"Her ass?"
"Yeah, she keeps a pet donkey."

"So you didn't have sex with Britney Spears?" we asked.
"I guess not.. apart from the time she sat on my face.."
"Are you telling us Ms Spears sat on your face?" we asked
"Hell, no! Ms Spear's would never do a slutty thing like that. It was her pussy."
"Britney Spears does seem to have rather a lot of pets, or rather, had a lot of pets. How do you account for that, Floyd?"
"I guess she jus' liked havin' dumb animals around her."
"We couldn't have put it better ourselves, Floyd. We hope this interview has not been too painful for you?"

"No way, man. I'm glad I could help. I wouldn't want your readers to think that a dirty, washed-up slut put me up to this to boost her lousy career."
"Our readers are way too smart to think that, Floyd."

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