Britney Spears pregnant
By our woman with her fingers in America's dirty laundry, Brianna Banks
|Troubled teen idol Britney Spears, who we reported earlier this week had been advised by her doctor to have more sex to burn off the excess fat she's carrying, today revealed the cause of her inexplicable weight gain|
With tears of joy — or possibly irritation from the strange smelling cigarette hanging out of her mouth — Britney opened her heart to Utterpants this morning over a light breakfast of two hamburger patties on rye with fries, twelve Ding Dongs, six Snickers and three cokes.
"Like, I can't believe it happened so fast," squealed
the pop tartlet excitedly. Mom only sent the ads out on Friday, and,
like, I only did it twice with the first three guys who responded.
I guess I must just be like, totally virile."
"So," we asked, "Who's the lucky guy?"
We waited while Britney tucked into a second plate of fries and asked
her how she felt about being a mom.
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