Dildo laissé par Britney à Paris Hilton!
By our madame in Montmartre,
|America choked over its croissants and latte this morning, or possibly over a double cheeseburger and diet Coke — when news broke that the popular pop princess, Britney Spears had lost a sex toy inside Paris Hilton|
Fox News were the first US network to report the news, followed swiftly by the Sun newspaper in the UK , which splashed the headline 'Britney Spears left Love Toy in Paris Hilton' across its front page with typical British understatement.
Speculation mounted as reporters jammed phone lines, paparazzi snatched up telephoto lenses and America held it's collective breath while devastated female fans sobbed into their coffee. What Britney's 28 million male fans did is anybody's guess but shopkeepers across the US reported record sales of Kleenex, and the internet crashed as American teenagers scrambled to uncover the truth behind their idol's latest outrage.
The facts finally emerged late this afternoon when a disheveled woman in a baseball cap contacted Utterpants via our Editor's state-of-the-art picture-in-picture 4G cellphone. The tearful caller, who asked that we keep her identity secret, but insisted we call her 'Jean', began by explaining that Britney doesn't use sextoys and had bought the deluxe 'Rabbit' vibrator with matching butt plug in the mistaken belief that it would 'tighten up the slack ' in her pelvic floor muscles after her recent pregnancy.
"So — er, 'Jean," we asked, "How did this, er,
item wind up inside Paris Hilton?"
When we finally got through to the Hilton Hotel in Paris we asked them
how they knew the vibrator belonged to Ms Spears.
The Frenchman spread his hands apologetically. "Ees it my fault
if ze rédacteur chose to put it zair? 'E' says it vaz ze only
© 2004 -2006 Brianna Banks & utterpants.co.uk /A050306