|Britney Spears' Fantasy 'seriously slutty'
By our woman with her fingers in America's dirty laundry, Brianna Banks
|NEW YORK — Over 139 excited fans packed Macy's yesterday to see their idol, the resting porn star and MILF-in-training, Britney Spears, launch her new fragrance to rapturous acclaim—or possibly howls of disgust, depending upon whether or not the scent of soiled panties turns you on|
The perennial teen tartlet breezed into the store wearing her frayed signature cut-offs and a sweat-stained T-shirt emblazoned with the modest slogan 'MILF-IN-TRAINING' to introduce her new Lizzie Borden scent — Clueless Fantasy.
"My new fantasy fragrance is seriously slutty," gushed the princess of pop, stubbing out a strange-smelling cigarette on the can of Red Bull. Clueless Fantasy has been described as 'an unashamedly sleazy floral accented with Louisiana Stinkweed and wrapped in the slutty sensuality of jism-stained panties'. But a leading French perfumerer who asked us not to mention her name, simply dismissed it as 'rancid horse piss'.
The aptly named Clueless Fantasy line consists of a perfume, pussy rub, shower gel and intimate waxing stick, packaged in Britney's favourite colours of blue and pink. Early buyers will also receive lipgloss and bath oil, supplied in attractive matching blue bottles with rather unusual caps said to be modelled on the face of Britney's soon-to-be ex-husband, Kevin Federline—or possibly another part of his anatomy.
The fragrance is the first beauty product ever to be created from recycled designer thongs and an exclusive extract obtained at great expense from the sexual organs of Louisiana alligators. Clueless Fantasy goes on sale in the UK on March 31st and will be obtainable from a short, fat geezer with dark glasses who hangs about at the bottom of Oxford street most Wednesdays and Fridays.
Britney Spears, 24 (but not looking a day over 37) took time out from
shopping for Kabbalah
nipple rings, to talk exclusively to Utterpants.
"If you say so, Britney. So what does Clueless Fantasy
mean to you?"
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