Biting satire, funny stories and humor
Utterpants readers letters
Readers comment on: our Britney Spears satirical stories

One of the joys of writing about the antics of America's Queen of Skank is the knowledge that her remaining fans are even dimmer than the todger-teasing tart herself. We swear that if clueless American girls didn't exist, we'd have to invent them. They provide us with so much comedy gold! Enjoy...

'Nyx', from California, in the USA, writes:
Britney Spears Kabbalah sex rite scuppered. It is interesting to know what kind of life Britney is living with her new belief. And it is more interesting to be able to predict how this will affect other teenagers. I am not optimistic about the next generation. God knows what I would do if I ever see my daughter watching a Britney video. Britney, please do everybody a favour and.. die!

'Elizabeth,' from Winnipeg, in Canada, writes:
Britney Spears is my favourite singer. She's so hardworking and she can sing, dance and act. I wish I could be like Britney Spears. I admire her and America, I have security experience and imagine working for her and meeting Britney Spears. I think about Britney Spears all the time. I collect Britney Spears merchandise, I enjoy her music, videos, magazines, and looking up Britney Spears.

When you say 'merchandise', Liz, I hope that doesn't extend to the panties she sold recently on Ebay?

'Rodney', from the UK, writes: Britney told to lose weight What the heck? No way is this story true right? I mean having to eat carbohydrates until the cows come home and then having to make love just for burning calories. Does this disease really exits?(sic)

'Blossom', from Sydney, Australia, writes:
Britney Spears pregnant. I don't know if this story is true or not but I do know one thing, Britney did not say any of those things you (whoever you are) have quoted. Whoever believes any of this crap is pretty stupid. I've heard about you type of people. They say all these UK newspapers are printing out made up stuff just so you could fill up the pages. Where did I here this from? Celebrities. And what they say are written in the UK is so fake! So I say too.

'Alexandria' from Clinton, in the USA, writes again:
Really, why would anyone pay almost a million dollars for skanky, poptart flavoured panties washed only twice (other than dirty old Japanese men) when you can easlily buy a well worn pair from your teen babysitter for twenty bucks and a six pack (that's the going rate I'm told by the OTHER babysitters I work with) and I'll—er, I mean she'll, take them off in front of you to assure you of the freshness (or unfreshness) of the kitty covers. Believe me, they all are pretty much the same in the smell department (who are you kidding we know what you men do with them!) But....if I had a million dollars...

'Alexandria' from Clinton, in the USA, writes:
I thought your 'Britney Spears pregnant' story was hilarious. I read it and I just couldn't stop laughing through the whole thing. Her naming her kid Broccoli and everything was so funny. I loved it!

Joe, from Virginia Beach, USA, writes:
I just found your site but was not aware that Britney Spears has found religion. My admiration for her grows with each pound she packs on. Thanks, your site is totally awesome.

'Brenda' from Warren in the USA, writes: I've just read your Britney told to lose weight story. Nice BS story you fucking morons. I think your site is fucking awful!

'Rebecca' of Seattle, in the USA, writes: Dutch tell Britney Spears to spice up her act. This is shit n i dont believe that any of this is true. i think its so horrible that you people waste your time making up stories about Britney Spears. i think your site is fucking awful and will never visit again.

'Doug' from Wyong, Australia, writes:
I used to be a britney fan but now i hate her im into kick ass band's like creed disturbed staind cold (NOT COLDPLAY JUST COLD} our lady peace Rob Zombie placebo so in our alliance of hating brit could you add a nude section of her such nip slip's and pic's of her ass crack haning out her pant's.

Our resident rapper, B J Pickle replies: Staind is okay, and OLP, Zombie, Disturbed and Creed are all mildly tolerable, but what do you mean not Coldplay?!? How do you expect us to tackle your serious sexual problems when your neuroses go so much deeper than Britney Spears?

© 2004 - 2005
Utterpants Satire News Stories
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves Snow White and the Seven Dwarves - a classic fairy tale retold by Miranda Givings
How to spot a wanker How to spot a wanker
by Mercedes Dannenberg
Wrapping presents with a cat Wrapping presents with a cat
by Denim Sue
Porn blamed for Sperm donor shortage Porn blamed for Sperm donor shortage
by Keli McTaggart

KKK threaten to lynch Klansman
Ku Klux Klan see red over Klansman
by Jennifer Gardner

British Knob tests sex toy British Knob tests sex toy - Sir Percival Mountjoy gets to grips with a vibrating rubber arse
Jokes, press cuttings, english definitions and funny stories Jokes, press cuttings, english definitions and funny stories
Red Ken clobbers School Run Mums Red Ken clobbers School Run Mums
by Miranda S Givings
The dangers of Phone Sex Phone Sex
Keli McTaggart explains the dangers of WAP-enabled 3G Mobile Phones
Ms Givings answers your personal problems