'Bianco' from the USA, writes:
toothbrush teen sex health shock was one of the funniest stories
I've ever read. I will never look at a toothbrush the same way again.
I have also got a boner in my pants the size of New Mexico and I think
I'm going to whack off now..
Not with an electric toothbrush we hope? We wouldn't
want our readers to get the impression that we are a socially irresponsible
publisher who makes light of the serious health risks faced by teenage
girls or they many never come again.
'The Reverend Tuchas', from Scientology UK, Xenu New Town,
Barking, in the UK, writes: Dear Sirs, I must protest strongly
at the outrageous treatment meted out to one of our leading Ambassadors
here on Earth by ignorant mortals from Channel 4. Mr
Cruise, a well known actor, has helped restore our Church to good
health following a serious decline. He has donated time and money to
our cause. Through his recent relationship with actress Katie Holmes,
he has brought new young blood to our domain (though personally I would
have preferred him to team-up with Jennifer Garner who was also on our
short-list). By squirting him with water (and to a man of his stature
this would have seemed like being hit by a veritable Tsunami), the people
responsible have shown little respect for one of the greatest human
beings in the Galaxy.
We have passed your concerns onto Dale
Petrie who tells us that he feels sure his firm and thrusting defence
of Mr Cruise will undoubtedly result in many more strapping young men
joining your church in the hopes of meeting their hero who, as he took
pains to point out in his article, is not the slightest bit gay.
'Michael', from Istanbul, in Turkey, writes:
I read your story about The
Prince and his Shadow this morning and liked it very much. Coincidentally
I had planned to go out after nearly two weeks confinement in my flat,
to cross the Bosphorus and visit Yildiz Park, once the private domain
of a Sultan. 'The Outside' seemed a little threatening as I left my
cave/cellar - (although I live on the top floor!) Waiting for the ferry,
as I strolled along the promenade, I noticed that a little boy running
and leaping off bollards on the waterfront in the bright sunlight was
completely separating his shadow from his body. As he soared with each
jump, his body was in the air and his shadow was on the ground isolated,
equally enjoying itself.
Then I became aware of my own mad shadow, leaning out in front of me
on the sun baked esplanade, leading me to the boat, totally inescapably
attached. A snatch of the old song "Me and my Shadow" snuck
into my brain, one that would be totally unfamiliar to the Turks I passed
strolling along with their own.
I crossed the water and entered the park - and it was a kind of forest,
with trails among the trees and foliage and birdsong, green and peaceful
and lovely, far from the madding crowd; and my shadow disappeared; perhaps
not quite, but it merged with the shade of the trees and bushes, and
after an hour's ramble I emerged calm and content, not having met my
princess - for whom I wasn't looking - but for having allowed my shadow
a glimpse of the quiet green shade its ancestors used to roam.
The visit was brief; Shadow will chafe again to be taken, or take me
out to a forest, and I will willingly go with it - but I fear a time
in the future, perhaps beyond the time of me and my own when the shade
of trees will be sparse, the song of birds silent, and the spirit of
all subdued. Unless
we act now.
The author, Mercedes
Dannenberg replies: What a wonderful tribute to my little story,
Michael! I confess that I had little hope that anyone would read it
when we first published it and I cannot tell you how delighted I am
that you not only enjoyed it but recognised the deeper meaning within
it. An author could not wish for greater recognition or reward, thank
'Martin', from London, writes:
I love to see shaved
pussy - rather hairless lips. Some hair on the pubic bone area OK
but neat, not a forest. But I know razor
burn can be a problem and bristle can be uncomfortable. I like my
partner to take her hair off and wear short skirts and show it off to
me in public - and maybe show other people. And I prefer to lick the
hairless pussy as I don't get hair in my mouth then. It's great to see
her on the beach with no hair there. I shave too so I'm not asking her
to do anything that I'm not willing to do as well.
Er..gosh, um, Martin. What can we say to top that?
I'm sure your partner turns heads everywhere she goes.
'Astra', from Ipswich, in the UK, writes:
is Intelligence? I read this article with interest. I agree that
intelligence is too neatly packaged nowadays, leaving no room for intuition
etc. Also that too often memory is mistaken for intelligence. But you
lost me with the following: "I believe that each one of us
has complete memory, complete intelligence and complete conscience from
birth — exactly as when we ended our previous incarnation."
This did not follow rationally (or even intuitively) from the previous
argument, and seemed to pop up out of nowhere. Can you not have collective
consciousness without past life theory? For example, we know what things
are edible, and which are poisonous only because at some point in the
past somebody must have tried to eat just about anything and everything,
with dire consequences. Yet we are not born with this information, but
must be taught it. What are your thoughts?
The author, Mercedes
Dannenberg replies: Perhaps we 'remember it', Astra? The reason
I introduced my conclusions rather abruptly was not only to give the
reader a deliberate jolt, but also to draw attention to my conviction
that the deepest truths cannot be apprehended 'rationally' by the finite,
physical brain and senses, but are perceived in a flash of inspiration
which can rarely be adequately expressed in words. In my view, a belief
in 'collective consciousness' is not tenable without reincarnation.
Such shared consciousness can only reside in immaterial vessels if it
is to be available to future generations. So I would contend that although
we may not be 'born' with the knowledge that belladonna is not good
to eat, our souls, or the souls of others were aware of this information
in previous lives, and can pass it on to us if we are sufficiently receptive
to receive it. Past lives are not a 'theory' to me, though I am well
aware that this is not something that can be 'scientifically' proven
at the present time.
My main object in writing this article was to encourage
those with open minds to think a little more deeply about the nature
of consciousness and memory in general and reincarnation in particular.
Reincarnation may not be the prevailing belief of most westerners, but
it is a long established tradition in the east and was an everyday fact
of existence in many previous civilisations such as Ancient Egypt.
'Betsy', from Adrian, in the USA, writes:
with a very large woman. You are quite simply put a pig. You are
not funny. You are not much of a writer. You are not even in my definition
a man. It is a sad thing that not only have you wasted your time in
writing this piece of garbage but probably the time of most of your
readers. (I am allowing for the fact that there are other immature pigs
that might enjoy this piece) You might have also hurt some women's feelings
who are less secure than I am about their bodies.
Not apparently secure enough to be able to restrain
yourself from frothing at the mouth outrage at an author who had the
temerity to make fun of very large women. Perhaps you'd see the joke
if you stopped stuffing
your face with pasta, burgers and chocolate?
'Des', from Sri Lanka, writes:
with a very large woman. Tell Robert Levin, all he has to do is
marry a slim young thing and she'll turn into a huge fat tart before
his very eyes. My little bundle of sophisticated joy wears a T-shirts
bearing the catchy slogan: 'Once you've shagged fat, there's no going
We suggest you consider cheating on your wife with
the previous correspondent.
'Dave' from Reading, in the UK, writes:
My partner let me in the
back door once on holiday when she was horribly drunk and she said
it felt sexy. I once tried a butt plug the size of my own cock and it
hurt like hell !! Another partner offered me her poop chute but it wouldn't
go in so we gave up. I thought your article was amusing and informative.
Especially funny was the picture of a typical American
At least you chose to take your punishment like a
man, Dave and discovered it's not all it's cracked up to be. Many women
don't get offered a choice.
'Turnbull Sargison', from Dakar, in darkest
We came across your site and we need some
sex toys (electric vibrator) of 50 pcs in discount price. Sincerely,
the company credit card can be presently use for the payment of suchly
items for now and we like you give us the total cost including cost
of each shippings methods that your company to Senegal. Kindly give
us a reasonable prices, so that we can later forward the payments infos.
Dear Mr. Sargison,
We were rather surprised to receive your enquiry so soon
after your previous communication concerning the transfer of five million
pounds into Ms
Givings' personal bank account, here in
Purley. As we explained to you then, the 'trifling sum' (£50,000
pounds in used twenties) you advised Ms Givings to bring over to Dakar
underwear to cover what you described as 'expenses in the form of
fees to facilitators in the government' was more than we could afford
at the time.
However, your timely inquiry and interest in ordering
from our wide assortment of tunnel
huggers may well solve this dilemma. As you can see from a perusal
of our fine website, we stock all
varieties, from the modern,
popular rabbits to the traditional wood, varieties hand crafted
on the naked thighs of happy Amish
schoolgirls. Please disregard the section called 'wicked
wabbits', as our entire stock of these cute, little bunnies has
been depleted by our own staff. If you would like any
anal toys, I suggest you go ahead and order them before the girls
discover DP. We also have a fairly large assortment of leather and plastic
cock rings, because, as our resident Sexologist, Doc Sleaze once
said, and I’m paraphrasing here: 'proper
gentlemen wear only metal.'
Our new line of horse
dildos, which I'm sure will be most popular in your country, is
presently undergoing exhaustive
testing by our female staff. These are cast from moulds made of
actual erect horse dongs that are presently in use among many men and
women in your neighbourhood—probably in your own household.
Understanding how important price is to you, while these
are in pre-production, you might be interested in our used
vibrator collection. These oldies but goodies are well used and
tested by the ladies and one gentleman among our regulars, and
while a bit worn, still have many happy
miles left in them.
P.S. Please do not forget to order a few more than you
need as we always seem lose some as they go
'Blossom', from Sydney, Australia, writes:
Spears pregnant after sex orgy. I don't know if this story is
true or not but I do know one thing, Britney did not say any of those
things you (whoever you are) have quoted. Whoever believes any of this
crap is pretty stupid. I've heard about you type of people. They
say all these UK
newspapers are printing out made up stuff just so you could fill
up the pages. Where did I here this from? Celebrities.
And what they say are written in the UK is
so fake! So I say too.
I'm guessing you've been living under Ayers Rock
for the last five years 'Blossom'. Either that or you're spending way
too much time in the bathroom with your electric toothbrush. How do
you know she didn't say these things? Were you there when Brianna
Banks handed the dozy slut—oppss, 'massively talented entertainer'—a
beige envelope containing £20,000 in used tenners? Bugger! We
weren't supposed to reveal that. Er, forget we said that, OK?
'Eroticali', from the USA, writes:
is not erotic; just say NO! While some do find it erotic, quite
frankly, nothing about anal sex appeals to me (and, yes I have tried
it twice with two different men). I would bet that it doesn't appeal
to most women either (remember, I said 'most' not all). It's fine for
those who want to engage, but the web is a major contributor in pushing
it as safe, non painful, and as more common than it is. I for one am
tired of now having so many men I meet bring it up. I always like to
say, "No, I don't like it, but if you would like..." It makes
them think about whether they could fathom something of that size up
their bottoms—not quite the same as a little ole 'plug' now is
We couldn't have put it better ourselves, well we
could and we did, but it's nice to know that there are some women who
are resolutely refusing to bend over backwards for an American
'Caroline', from Johannesburg, South Africa, writes:
What an excellent article Anal
Scourge sweeps Britain is. My sentiments exactly. Any woman who
allows the tradesman's entrance to be used for deliveries suffers from
a serious lack of self esteem and self worth.
If you mean she's a filthy, disease-ridden slut who
likes nothing better than being rutted up the back door by a succession
of festering lepers with tertiary syphilis while the entire Man United
football team spray her upturned face with their creamy, man juice,
we'd agree. Oh, bugger! We've just given Angelina
Jolie another plug!