utterpants
Wet job
MI6 have a spot of bother finding new recruits

MI6 had an opening for an assassin. After all the usual background checks, interviews and appraisals had been completed, there were just three candidates left; two men and one woman.

For the final test, the Deputy-Director told the candidates that an MI6 agent would take them to a large metal door and hand each one a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside that room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. "Kill her!!!"
"Y-you c-c-can't be serious," stammered the man. "I could never shoot my own wife!"
"Then you're not the right man for this job," replied the Deputy-Director coldly. "Take your wife and go home."

An agent gave the second man the same instructions. The man took the gun and stepped reluctantly into the room. All was quiet for several minutes. Then he staggered out with tears in his eyes. "I tried," he sobbed, "I really did try, but I can't kill my wife, it's inhuman."
"Tough," snapped the agent. "You obviously don't have what it takes to be an assassin. Get your wife and stop wasting our time."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. Her husband was locked in the room and she was given the same instructions as the men: kill the target. She took the gun and went into the room. Several shots rang out in rapid succession. Then the waiting agents heard terrible screams, followed by loud crashing and banging on the walls. After a few minutes it went deathly quiet. Then the door slowly opened and the woman came out wiping blood from her hands. "This fucking gun was loaded with blanks!" she complained. "I had to beat the bastard to death with the chair!"

"I told you," said the Deputy-Director, turning to the gaping agents, "When you want a tough job doing, hire a woman."

Contributed by William Moore

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