The Vicar's Cat A salutary tale of the dangers of Media exposure

A Lady Vicar wanted to raise money for her Church, and on being told by her Verger that there was a fortune to be made in dog racing, decided to buy a greyhound and enter it in the Town races.
"So where can I get a pedigree racing greyhound?" she asked him.
"At the local dog auction", replied the Verger.
When she got to the auction, the going price for any breed of dog was so high that she ended up buying a cat instead.
"I feel a complete idiot", she told the Verger the next day.
"Why?" he asked. "It's got four legs and a tail, hasn't it?"
"Well - yes..."
"And cats usually outrun dogs, don't they?"
"I suppose so", she replied doubtfully.
"So why not enter it in the races".
"A cat in a dog race?"
"Why not, there's nothing against it in the rules."
"What have you got to lose?"
"Alright - you've convinced me."

So she entered the cat in the next day's race and to her astonishment it came in third. The Verger was so delighted that he told the story to his mate on the local paper. The paper published the story on an inside page with the headline:
"Local Vicar shows off her pussy"

The Vicar was so pleased with the cat that she entered it in the next race the following week and this time it won. This caused such a sensation in the town that the local paper published a report on the front page that read:

The Bishop was so upset by the publicity the Vicar was getting that he ordered her not to enter the cat in another race. The Verger told the paper. The next issue carried the headline:

This was too much for the Bishop. "Get rid of the cat!" he shouted down the telephone to the Vicar. "Or you can start looking for a new vocation!" The Vicar decided to give the cat to the nuns in a nearby convent. But the paper knew when it was on to a good story and the next day the following headline was splashed across the front page: "NUNS HAVE BEST PUSSY IN TOWN!"
When he read this the Bishop fainted. An hour later he was on the telephone to the Mother Superior. "Get rid of that damn cat! I don't care what you do with it so long as it's out of my diocese and out of the paper!" So the Mother Superior sold the cat to a farmer in the next town.

Next day the paper read: "NUN SELLS HER PUSSY FOR A TENNER!"
This Bishop had a heart attack. When he came out of hospital three weeks later he ordered the Vicar to buy back the cat and set it free in the local woods where, he added hopefully "The foxes should make short work of the evil little moggie!"

Unfortunately, the cat was caught by poachers who sold it to the local butcher where it was bought by the chef of a Chinese restaurant.
Next day the paper read: "BISHOP EATS VICAR'S PUSSY"

The Bishop was buried the following Wednesday.

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