Rural Pleasures A shaggy story about the dangers of country sports

A ventriloquist was driving through Devon when his car broke down near a farm. He found the farmer who let him use the phone in his outhouse to call for a breakdown truck. While they made their way to the farmhouse the ventriloquist thought he would have some fun with the farmer by pretending the animals could speak .

They passed a horse in a paddock. The ventriloquist said to the farmer, "Is that your horse?" The farmer replied, "It be." The ventriloquist asked, "Can he talk?" The farmer said, "Don't be daft, of course 'e can't speak." The ventriloquist then said to the horse, "So, how do you like it here?" Then he threw his voice, and said in a horse-like tone, "Oh, it's pretty good. Every morning the farmer feeds me oats."

The farmer was startled and quickened his pace. Soon they came to a cow. The ventriloquist asked, "Is this your cow?" and the farmer replied, "That it be." He then asked, "Does it talk?" and the farmer replied, "Don't talk bollocks!" The ventriloquist asked the cow, "How do you like it here?" and threw his voice again. In a cow-like voice, he said, "Oh, I like it just fine. Every morning the farmer comes and milks me." Upon hearing this, the farmer squirmed. He looked down at the ground and continued walking.

Soon they came to some sheep. The ventriloquist asked, "Are these your sheep?" and the farmer replied warily, "They might be..." He then asked, "Do they talk?"

"Don't ee go askin' them sheep nuffink! They tells lies!"

Comment on this joke? Click the button to have your say Get it off your chest!
Content © 2005. Utterpants.co.uk and its writers and contributors. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Short Jokes
Long Jokes
Jokes about Men
Jokes about Women
Short Press Cuttings
Longer Press Cuttings
Sports Blunders
Funny English Definitions
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves Snow White and the Seven Dwarves - a classic fairy tale retold by
Miranda S Givings
Read our Funny stories
Ms Givings Very Personal Problem Pages

Do you have a joke, press cutting or limerick to contribute? Click the button below to submit it to us!

Submit your joke to Utterpants