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Surprised by Santa
A suicidal man gets a second chance

It was Christmas Eve and a man was about to throw himself off the roof of a ten-story building. His attractive wife had left him for a younger man, he’d lost his job and he owed thousands of pounds to the bank. Just as he was screwing himself up to jump, Father Christmas tapped him on the shoulder.

"Are you OK?" asked Santa solicitously.
The man explained why he was so miserable and prepared to jump.
"Stop!" shouted Santa. "It's Christmas — I'll grant you three wishes to solve your problems on the understanding that you will grant me a small favour in return!"
"Would you?" the man replied hopefully. "That would be wonderful! Thank you, thank you!"

Santa promised him:
"You shall go home in one hour and your wife will be dressed in her sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return, and she will have forgotten all about her new lover."
"You'll go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and still have your job. Your salary will have increased by 50% and nobody will have any recollection of your sacking."
"Then you'll go to your bank and discover you're ten thousand pounds in credit with no outstanding bills."

"Oh thank you, thank you!" said the man. "What do you want me to do in return?"
"Drop your pants and bend over!"
The man reluctantly complied. After quite a brutal rogering, which made the man’s eyes water, Santa zipped up his pants and asked the man how old he was.
"Thirty-six." replied the man.
"Ho, ho, ho! You're a bit too old to believe in Father Christmas aren't you?" chuckled the fat, gay bastard in fancy dress.

Joke contributed by William Moore

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