Noah in deep shit
A funny geography lesson with a difference..
WARNING! This story may upset Americans who have difficulty in laughing at themselves.

After the Great Flood Mr Noah approached his wife / live-in-partner / significant other, in some trepidation. We don't know for sure if they were married, co-habiting, or just very close friends, so we'll just call her 'Ms' in this story if that's OK with you. Anyway.. after Mr and Ms Noah had been adrift in the Ark for a week or two, Noah approached his female companion in some trepidation.

"Darling", he said with a perplexed frown, "There's a problem I simply can't keep from you any longer and it's getting worse."
"Oh my..." replied Ms Noah. "What ever is it?"
Mr Noah blushed and cleared his throat:
"It's the animals, dearest."
"Are they sick?"
"No, they're all well"
"Are they hungry?"
"No, they all have plenty of food."
"Are the dogs fighting with the cats again?"
"No, my dearest one, peace reigns supreme in the sanctuary of the Lord."

"Then what's the matter?"
"Haven't you noticed that the ark is listing a bit lately?"
"Well, now you come to mention it, I had noticed a slight lean to port, but I thought it was just the wind."
"No, it's not wind, dear, although the problem IS connected with..um..wind..."
"Whatever do you mean? Don't talk in riddles, Noah!"
"Sorry, my sweet. It's the—ahem, er..um, waste products."
"Waste products, what 'waste' products?"
"Er, you know, dear, waste. Animals produce, um..waste."
"If you mean shit why not say shit, Noah?"
Noah nodded. "Yes, it's the—the, er, shit, dear. I'm afraid that's what's making the ark list to port..."
"Well why don't you distribute it equally between port and starboard?"
"What a brilliant idea!" So Noah did as his wife suggested, but a week later he came to her again looking even more worried than before.

"What is it now?"
"I'm afraid there's no more room on either side of the Ark for the er..um...shit.
"Well pile it in the front and back then!" said Ms Noah brusquely. "Really, I have no idea why the Lord chose you. Your brain is like the four-headed man-eating Elephant Fish of Mount Ararat."
"In what way, dear?"
"It doesn't exist!"

"Noah did as his wife told him but within another week he was back again
"I suppose you're going to tell me you've run out of places to store the shit?"
"I'm afraid so", Said Mr Noah dejectedly.

Ms Noah's face turned purple and she slapped her husband.

Noah did as she asked and 1,764 years later Christopher Columbus discovered it and called it AMERICA.

Contributed by Mr Tree

Comment on this joke? Click the button to have your say Get it off your chest!
Content © 2005. Utterpants.co.uk and its writers and contributors. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Short Jokes
Long Jokes
Jokes about Men
Jokes about Women
Short Press Cuttings
Longer Press Cuttings
Sports Blunders
Funny English Definitions
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves Snow White and the Seven Dwarves - a classic fairy tale retold by
Miranda S Givings
Wrapping presents with a cat Wrapping presents with a cat
by Denim Sue
Read our Funny stories
Ms Givings Very Personal Problem Pages

Do you have a joke, press cutting or limerick to contribute? Click the button below to submit it to us!

Submit your joke to Utterpants