After the Great Flood Mr Noah approached
his wife / live-in-partner / significant other, in some trepidation.
We don't know for sure if they were married, co-habiting, or just very
close friends, so we'll just call her 'Ms' in this story if that's OK
with you. Anyway.. after Mr and Ms Noah had been adrift in the Ark for
a week or two, Noah approached his female companion in some trepidation.
"Darling", he said with a perplexed frown, "There's
a problem I simply can't keep from you any longer and it's getting worse."
"Oh my..." replied Ms Noah. "What ever is it?"
Mr Noah blushed and cleared his throat:
"It's the animals, dearest."
"Are they sick?"
"No, they're all well"
"Are they hungry?"
"No, they all have plenty of food."
"Are the dogs fighting with the cats again?"
"No, my dearest one, peace reigns supreme in the sanctuary of the
"Then what's the matter?"
"Haven't you noticed that the ark is listing a bit lately?"
"Well, now you come to mention it, I had noticed a slight lean
to port, but I thought it was just the wind."
"No, it's not wind, dear, although the problem IS connected
"Whatever do you mean? Don't talk in riddles, Noah!"
"Sorry, my sweet. It's the—ahem, er..um, waste products."
"Waste products, what 'waste' products?"
"Er, you know, dear, waste. Animals produce, um..waste."
"If you mean shit why not say shit, Noah?"
Noah nodded. "Yes, it's the—the, er, shit, dear. I'm afraid
that's what's making the ark list to port..."
"Well why don't you distribute it equally between port and starboard?"
"What a brilliant idea!" So Noah did as his wife suggested,
but a week later he came to her again looking even more worried than
"What is it now?"
"I'm afraid there's no more room on either side of the Ark for
"Well pile it in the front and back then!" said Ms Noah brusquely.
"Really, I have no idea why the Lord chose you. Your brain is like
the four-headed man-eating Elephant Fish of Mount Ararat."
"In what way, dear?"
"It doesn't exist!"
"Noah did as his wife told him but within another week he was
"I suppose you're going to tell me you've run out of places to
store the shit?"
"I'm afraid so", Said Mr Noah dejectedly.
Ms Noah's face turned purple and she slapped her husband.
"Well -THROW THE FUCKING SHIT OVER
THE SIDE WHY DON'T YOU!!!"
Noah did as she asked and 1,764 years later Christopher
Columbus discovered it and called it AMERICA.
Contributed by Mr