utterpants
Irish Morality
A teenage runaway gives her father a nasty shock

An Irish girl who had not seen her parents for over five years came home unexpectedly one day. No sooner has she set foot inside the house than her father rounded on her angrily: "Mother of God, Roisin! Where have you been all this time? Look at the state of you, girl! You're wearing lipstick and that skirt barely covers your bottom! You shamless ingrate! You left us without a word on your sixteenth birthday and we've not had so much as a line from you in five years. Why didn't you call? Do you have any idea what you've put your poor Mam through?!"

Roisin started crying and sobbed: "Oh da...I fell in with a bad crowd...sniff...started sleeping around...took drugs...sniff...and then I became a prostitute..."
"Holy Mary!" shouted her father. "What did you say? A PROSTITUTE!? You evil little sinner! You're a disgrace to this family—I don't ever want to see your face again!"

"OK, Da," said Roisin, dying her eyes on an expensive, silk handkerchief. "I only came back to give Mum this fur coat, the title deeds to a ten-bedroomed villa in Spain and a savings account certificate for five million Euros. For my little brother, Sean...I got this gold Rolex, and for you, dearest Da—the 'S' type Jag that's parked outside—plus lifetime membership to the Ballymurphy Golf Club...(takes a deep breath)...and an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve with me on board my new yacht on the French Riviera, and—"

Her Father interrupted and asked: "What was it you said you had become again?"
His daughter started crying again and sobbed: "Sniff...a dirty little slut, Da...sniff...a shameless harlot who sells her body for money...a—a PROSTITUTE!"

Oh! Sweet Bejeesus! The Lord be praised!" exclaimed her father, clasping her to his bosom. "You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said 'a Protestant.' Come here and give your Da a kiss!"

Contributed by Jennifer Gardner

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