Funny English Definitions for the Dyslexic

Antelope (v): to run off with your mother’s sister.
Assassination (n): an arrangement to meet a donkey.
Baptist (n): a junior hamburger chef.
Basket (n): a short nap in the sun.
Circumstantial (n): circumcision on a really big baby.
Collonade (n): fizzy enema.
Defence (n): something to sit on for people who can’t make up their minds.
Diarrhoea (n) a very unattractive bottom.
Dictator (n): hilariously shaped, edible tuber.
Dipthong (v): to wash a lady's undergarment.
Diversion (n): Princess of Wales' version of the events that led to her divorce.
Dumpling (n): small lump of excrement.
Gastronome (n): small person prone to excess wind.
Harbinger (n): hard drinker.
Hatchet (n): small, bird droppings that fall from the sky.
Headband (n):
top of the bill at a rock concert.
Hormone (n): the sound a prostitute makes when she's not been paid.
Hobnob (n): cooking accident often suffered by nudists.
Homophobe (n): strong dislike of The Simpsons.
Honeydew (n: women who regularly arrive late for appointments.
Induction (n): induced labour in a duck.
Innuendo (n): Italian suppository.
Intercontinental (n): person who has wet themselves all over the world.
Labiate (v): perform cunnilingus.
Laminate (v): to artificially inseminate a sheep.
Limpet (n): male who has trouble getting an erection.
Lobster (n): colloquial term for a female who ejaculates during orgasm.
Mantrap (n): sexual favour used by women to obtain money from men.
Mastiff (n): mass erections induced by watching pornography.
Menopause (n): break in conversation to allow men to get a word in edgeways.
Minjita (n) (slang): an Indian lesbian.
Misfit (n): an attractive young woman.
Mislay (n): a brazen or promiscuous young woman.
Morbific (n): excessively violent.
Multilingual (n): engaging in cunnilingus with multiple partners.
Negligent (n): cross-dresser.
Ostentatious: make and model of a pre-war British luxury car.
Outage (n): process of exposing a Gay politician.
Portent (n): The Millennium Dome.
Propaganda (n): a wooden support for one-legged male geese.
Rapscallion (n): Black, American spring onion.
Rectitude (n): Precise angle at which a rectal thermometer should be inserted.
Reflex (v): renew wiring to an electrical appliance.
Restitution (n): sanatorium for lactating women.
Skulduggery (n): archaeological excavation.
Snuff box (n): slang term for a coffin.
Spade (n): small surgical tool for removing ovaries.
Testator (n): a male who is constantly adjusting his genitalia.
Titillate (n): delayed onset of female puberty.
Titular (n & adj): busty woman.
Vagrant: (n): confused insect.
Willy-nilly (n): male who continually catches their penis in their zipper.

If you enjoyed these definitions you may enjoy visiting:
The Slingshot - the Great British Magazine for Young Chaps
The Slingshot is indispensible reading for discerning Ladies and Gentlemen of Quality and Taste.
Warning: our American readers may require the services of a translator!
We nicked some of the funniest English Definitions from
The Interag

(last updated 13th April 2006)
Definitions supplied by: B. Campestris, Miranda Givings, Johnny Saxophone, Denim Sue and many others too shy or sensible to be named

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