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Donkey Rides
A funny story about the misfortunes of military life

A newly promoted Captain was posted to a run-down British outpost in Iraq. On his tour of inspection he noticed a very old donkey standing dejectedly next to a rusty jeep without an engine and asked the Sergeant-major what the donkey was for.
"Well sir..", began the soldier hesitantly, "We're a very long way from civilization, and men have, er - um, needs, Sir..."
"What exactly do you mean, Sergeant. Spit it out man."
"Well Sir... when the lads get really desperate for a woman, they use the donkey."
"I see", replied the Captain with a cough. "If it keeps the men's peckers up, I suppose it's OK with me".

When he had been at the outpost for about a month he noticed the donkey was missing and stopped a soldier as he walked past his tent. "Tell me, Corporal Jones, where is the donkey tonight?"
"It's Private Smith's turn with the donkey this month Sah!"
The Captain thanked him and went back into his tent wishing he had a woman.

The next month he heard the donkey neighing loundly and stopped the corporal as he was passing his tent. "Tell me corporal, what's the donkey like?"
"Good as gold, Sah. We'd be lost without 'im."
"Yes - but what do the men actually DO with it?"
"Do Sah? The usual, Sah, you know..."
"Yes, but what exactly?"
"Well...we just climb on and it leads us to paradise, Sah."
The Captain was almost beside himself with excitement but managed to control himself and dismissed the corporal.

After three months he was so desperate for a woman he ordered the Sergeant-Major to fetch the donkey. The Sergeant-major shrugged his shoulders and led the sorry looking animal into the Captain's quarters. The Captain dropped his pants, stepped onto a stool and shagged the donkey so hard it collapsed. When he'd finished, he beckoned the Sergeant-major over and asked: "Is that how the men do it?"

"No sir, they usually ride the donkey into Paradise and shag the local women in the brothel."

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