Three dogs are in a vet’s waiting room, anxiously awaiting their fate.

"What are you in here for then?" asked the first dog.
"It's curtains for me, " said the second dog. "I’m being put down."

"Why, what did you do?" asked the first dog.
"Bit the postman three times this week," replied the condemned animal.
"I couldn’t resist it. He’s such a soppy beggar with his ugly arse hanging out of those baggy shorts. The Post Office have already prosecuted my owner twice before, so this is the end of the line for me..."

"Me too," sighed the third dog. "My owner had a prime steak for dinner last night—well he planned to, but I had it off the grill before it was even warm—lovely. Anyway, he picked up a stick and looked like he was going to hit me, so I bit the bastard. Fourteen stitches in his hand. I thought he would have seen the funny side by this morning but no, so here I am. Life's so unfair, isn't it?"

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," said the first dog, baring his fangs in a huge grin. "This morning I saw my mistress doing the washing up in her night dress. As she bent over the sink I simply couldn’t resist the sight of her tight arse straining against the thin material, so I leaped up and had her from behind."

"So you’re on death row too then?" asked the second dog.
"No, mate," replied the first dog smugly. "I've just here to have my nails clipped."