utterpants
Sexual Blackmail
Youthful enterprise and initiative triumph over old age

A married woman was having a secret affair with a neighbour. What she didn't know was that her twerlve-year-old son hid in the wardrobe to watch them. One day her sister called unexpectedly while she was in bed with her lover and she bundled him into the wardrobe.

"Dark in here, innit?" whispered the little boy.
The man jumped back in surprise.
"You wanna buy a cricket bat?"
"No thanks," replied the man, "I don't play cricket."
"I think ya DO wanna buy a cricket bat," continued the little boy.
"OK!" said the man, irritably. "How much?"
"Twenty quid."
"Twenty quid?" gasped the man. "That's daylight robbery!"
"Nah, it's blackmail," replied the little extortionist.

The next week, the couple were interrupted by the woman's father and, again, she bundled her lover into the wardrobe.
"It's dark in here, innit?" said the little boy.
"Not you again!" replied the man, warily.
"Wanna buy some cricket gloves?"
"No thanks, I told you last time I don't play cricket."
"Oh, I think you DO wanna buy some gloves."
The man considering the position he was in and then asked warily: "OK, how much?"
"Fifty quid."
"FIFTY QUID!" repeated the man incredulously, "That's outrageous!"
"D'ya want me to tell me grandad you've been doin' my mum up the bum?"
"No," said the man, and reluctantly handed over fifty pounds.

The following week, the lover was giving the woman a knee-trembler up against the door, when she heard her husband's car in the driveway and hurridly bundled him into the wardrobe.
"It's dark in here, innit?" the boy began.
"Bloody hell! Not again!" groaned the man.
"Wanna buy some knee pads?"
"How much this time," replied the man.
"Well, seeing as me dad is on the other side of that door and he'll kill you if he finds you bollock naked in me mum's wardrobe — a hundred quid seems fair."
"A HUNDRED POUNDS?"
"You want me to open the door?"
The man handed over the cash.

The next weekend, the little boy's father asked his son if he'd like to play cricket.
"I can't," said the little boy, "I sold all me cricket kit."
"How much did you get for it?" asked his father.
"A hundred and seventy quid."
"A HUNDRED AND SEVENTY POUNDS! That's daylight robbery. I only paid ten quid for the lot. I'm taking you to church right now. You must confess your greed and ask for forgiveness."

So the father took his son to church and the little boy went into the confessional, sat down, drew the curtain, and said: "It's dark in here, innit?"
"Not you again! Don't you start that bloody nonsense in here!" shouted the priest.

Comment on this joke? Click the button to have your say Get it off your chest!
Content © 2005. Utterpants.co.uk and its writers and contributors. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Short Jokes
Long Jokes
Jokes about Men
Jokes about Women
Short Press Cuttings
Longer Press Cuttings
Sports Blunders
Funny English Definitions
Limericks
Snow White and the Seven Dwarves Snow White and the Seven Dwarves - a classic fairy tale retold by
Miranda S Givings
Wrapping presents with a cat Wrapping presents with a cat
by Denim Sue
Read our Funny stories
Ms Givings Very Personal Problem Pages

Do you have a joke, press cutting or limerick to contribute? Click the button below to submit it to us!

Submit your joke to Utterpants