I know it sounds crazy. At least it did to me. I did it just for kicks. No reason really. A whim for a trim? I was careful and all that. I didn’t cut off anything important. I’ve never had a shaved vagina before, but it seems like you can’t make your own porn movies without one. Here’s what I learned after taking a little off the top of my bottom...

The vagina is a damn ugly thing to look at. No wonder hair grows over it. It looks like my grandma’s wrinkled up handbag, only without the handles and cigarette case. When I broke out the razor, I was under the impression that I was about to uncover a pot of gold down there or something. Whoever said the female body was a beautiful thing apparently has never seen mine.

And my clit... my poor clit! It just hangs out there like a puppy without a home. All shaved up and no place to go. I could stand outside nude on a windy day and it would wave like Old Glory herself. Only without red and white stripes. Is that normal? I’ve downloaded enough porn on the Internet, um, I mean I’ve consulted enough gynaecologists online to understand that vaginas come in all colours, shapes, and sizes. But is mine the only one you need to salute? Once it frays and tatters, do I really have to burn it? Granted, I’m looking at it upside down, but still...

You’d think I’d find something likeable about it. A cute freckle, an out of place dimple, anything. But no; if I was created in God’s image, God must be some dried up old hooker on the East Side.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I just hope the next person beholding my vagina has two glass eyes and a head cold.

Comment on this article? Click the button to have your say
OR CLICK HERE TO READ READERS' COMMENTS ON THIS STORY