Ripping Yarns

Evil Coffee

Evil Coffee
is the scourge of modern womanhood says
Ezra Franklin Stockley, M.D.
The modern evil of coffee drinking is the root cause of all the terrible woes that threaten the very foundations of all that we hold most dear. Once upon a time, families would come together every day to exchange news and pleasantries over a refreshing cup of tea, or to toast a muffin or two in cook's oven, while the master of the house instructed the female servants in the finer points of oral diction. They would talk to one another about their day at the schoolhouse, the office, and for the ladies of the family, how they had cleaned and tended the house that day. Nowadays however, such stimulating and refined intercourse has all but disappeared from our Great Nation. Instead we have broody young girls skulking in their rooms, drinking coffee behind closed doors.

Since the 1920s, coffee drinking has almost completely destroyed all decency and morality in the United States and Europe. During that time, violent crime, burglary, divorce and the inappropriate use of large vegetables by bored American women, have all increased to almost epidemic dimensions—if not to bubonic plague proportions. One's elders are laughed at, women smoke cigarettes quite openly, gentlemen go about bare-headed and girls as young as five and twenty expose their naked ankles to the gaze of passersby. The very fabric of society is warped beyond redemption and stretched to breaking point. Coincidence? I think not!

Coffee, once an unusual and rare drink is now drunk openly on every street corner in every city from New York to San Francisco—and possibly even further west. Entire chains of coffee shops now brazenly sell their despicable wares on British High Streets and American Main Streets where even young children can see them. Thus from the very earliest age, our children begin to think of coffee drinking as stylish, or even fashionable. They are brainwashed into believing that coffee drinking is a perfectly acceptable alternative lifestyle, only to discover too late that it is a fast-track passport to ill-health, unbridled sexual promiscuity, greasy skin and debilitating headaches as my exhaustive research clearly proves.

The British fondness for the mild and health-giving panacea we know as Tea has so far protected them from the inexorable tide of moral turpitude and degeneracy which has swept all before it in America. But the writing is on the wall even here. Every day one sees trousered women driving motor cars with a thermos of hot coffee beside them while their spouses wring their hands in horrified despair. Secretaries openly flaunt their addiction in typing pools and crowds of dissolute young women congregate outside the new 'coffee bars', only too eager to suffer the caresses of some vile rogue so long as he will buy them the drug they crave.

A young slut enslaved to evil coffeeIt is a proven fact, verifiable in my novel, 'Down and out amongst the evil coffee drinkers of Old New Orleans', that prostitution was almost unknown in the United States before the French imported this foul vice along with their inedible pastries and indecent ladies' undergarments. Nowhere is this degeneracy more evident than in the low dives and seedy bistros of 'gay Paris', where women as young as eighteen sell their bodies for the price of a café au lait. The French, be it noted, are a nation of inveterate coffee bibbers, and a more illiterate, unimaginative, degenerate and morally bankrupt people it would be hard to find. Show me a lush who drinks coffee with her croissant and I will show you a shameless hussy who sells her body to support her vile habit. It is no coincidence that the increase in insobriety and prostitution in America has gone hand-in-hand with this loathsome vice. The statistics are incontrovertible. Nine out of ten prostitutes are habitual coffee drinkers, seven out of ten women convicted of shop-lifting admitted to drinking coffee only hours before the offence, and almost all female car thieves drink coffee. Coincidence? I think not! My detractors will say that these women also drink tea. Indeed they may do, but only for the same reasons that dipsomaniacs suck mints; the better to disguise their loathsome addiction!

All young women naturally go through an experimental phase and older, male coffee drinkers will often take advantage of this fact by seducing susceptible young women when they are at their most vulnerable. They will take an impressionable young girl to some seedy backstreet coffee shop and there they will buy the naïve coquette, her first cappuccino. Before very long, the once bright-eyed and vivacious girl has turned into a sulky and misanthropic miss; hooked for life, if not indeed a hooker for life. Young innocents are turned into lifetime coffee addicts, rapidly spiralling into a life of interrupting their elders, wearing immodest clothing, homosexuality, transvestitism, and the imaginative use of fruit and vegetables for the most questionable of ends, or indeed both ends. Are we supposed to just stand by and watch these perverts corrupt our children? I think not!

Make no mistake, we physicians are not bigots. We recognise that what consenting adults drink behind closed, bolted doors with the curtains drawn, in the dark, is entirely up to them, but to present this evil coffee as being a perfectly harmless beverage is not only decadent, but the vilest of lies that must be countered at every opportunity.

The serious reflections of our forebears, their solidity of judgement, firmness of will and the grace and fluidity of the healthy bodies of their womenfolk, which formerly distinguished our proud American national character, have all but vanished in the face of this evil scourge. And by what are they replaced? Loose morals, immodesty in dress and thought, atheism, discourtesy, derangements of the sexual organs in both sexes, and unbridled lust, hysteria, irritability and insolence on the part of young persons.

Female Coffee addict Nowhere are these lamentable evils more evident than in the young daughters of America, who have cast off their undergarments and acquired a coarseness of language, slovenly deportment, and mental excitability and emotional hypersensitivity which are the unmistakable hallmarks of the inveterate coffee drinker. For, make no mistake about it, it is primarily women who are the most avid consumers of this deleterious beverage, no doubt due to their innate weakness of character and need for constant stimulation.
It has become a sine qua non amongst these degenerates that to wallow in luxuriant fancies, compose lascivious romances and to make flippant, witty and satirical remarks, the American woman must drink coffee. The busy secretary, the over-worked waitress, the journalist, the schoolmistress, the fashionable young socialite and the modern-day Messalina who caters to the jaded appetites of broken down old lechers in so-called 'gentlemen's clubs'—all these must necessarily drink coffee to maintain their frenetic lifestyles. But at what a cost!

It is certain that the most refined female voluptuary could not have discovered a more suitable poison than coffee for changing her ordinary sensations and unbearable ennui into the most impetuous happiness and transcendent mental acuity for a few, brief hours. What else could banish the vexations of life so completely from their fickle hearts, cause their temperaments to sally forth in joyful ejaculations of delight and inflame their passions with the most exquisite of sensations? What else could accelerate the motions of their weak bodies, galvanise their sluggish digestive and secretory organs into a frenzy of activity and maintain their sexual instincts in a state of almost permanent arousal? Finally, what else could banish the inconveniences of hunger and thirst, remove sleep from fatigued limbs and enable these harpies to evade their duty to cook, clean and wash for their menfolk? Coffee!

But what harm can it do the coffee apologists cry. Well, I will tell you. The primary effect of this odious beverage is to excite the sexual instinct. Within moments of imbibing the first drops of this insidious poison, the most voluptuous images present themselves to the disordered female mind; the genitalia are quickly aroused to a state of throbbing tumescence and the effusion of vaginal excretions is as certain to follow as blindness and palsy follow self-abuse. It is thus that this insidious evil works upon the impressionable female mind and having deluded them into partaking ever more freely of the temporary pleasures it affords them, ruins their health and turns them from hard-working, obedient helpmates ready to fulfil their menfolk's every whim, into embittered harridans enslaved to vices too hideous to name.

Evil CoffeeOnce the primary effects of this peer among poisons having passed, the victim is at once plunged into an opposite state; the secondary effect takes over and in the degree that the former has been most marked and agreeable, the more will the latter be debilitating and disagreeable. A desire for sleep, accompanied by many yawnings, trembling limbs and a gloomy humor, soon supervene. The digestive processes that were artificially accelerated by the poison now give place to an oppressive flatulence, inexplicable aches and pains and icy cold extremities. The euphoria which so delighted them hours before, evaporates, leaving them scarcely able to fulfil the smallest domestic duty and, in some cases, insolently refusing to submit to male authority at all!

Their bad humor quickly deepens, until the slightest criticism or inconvenience vexes them beyond endurance. The natural appetite is replaced by a species of canine hunger, easily satiated by the vilest of comestibles, such as pizza, chocolate and potato chips, which simply overload the stomach, increase their flatulence, phantom pains and the desire for repose. Yet these pitiable wretches cannot sleep! And if by some miracle slumber is eventually purchased, they are even more tired, depressed and melancholic upon awakening than they were before they succumbed to the vile poison which has so blighted their lives.

The most noxious effects of coffee become evident among those persons, chiefly unmarried women, who expend their time in sedentary occupations and are much given to arguing with gentlemen about politics. These persons can easily be recognised by their pale complexions, weak constitutions, indecisiveness, lassitude and excitable, nervous gestures. These feeble recluses enjoy, so to speak, but half a life, eschewing the responsibilities of bearing children, cooking, washing and cleaning—as Nature intended—for a life of irresponsible idleness and dissipation.

The minds of those enslaved to this hideous poison continue to degenerate until even the most more frequent and strongest repetitions of the drug cease to arouse their sluggish constitutions any longer. They are poised upon the very precipice of destruction, openly flaunting their charms and shamelessly indulging in the manly intellectual pastimes of debate and study which a woman has no business to pursue. It is an established medical fact that in order for the inferior female brain to even attempt to understand abstruse, intellectual problems, it has to divert energy from the reproductive organs; organs already so debilitated by the noxious effects of this hideous drug that the poor wretch now adds the crime of infertility to her other sins. Finally, if single, the addict sinks so low that she may refuse to marry and bear children at all.

Moreover, the higher feminine emotions, such as gratitude, placidity, obedience and modesty become almost wholly stultified until all that remains is timidity, indifference, apathy, bitterness, fickleness and insolence. Indeed, I have known many cases where the confirmed coffee addict will refuse to perform her marital duties on the flimsy pretext that she has a headache, and yet not an hour later pleasure herself into libidinous insensibility with one of her husband's own cigars!

If the use of coffee is continued for many years, a state of complete mental and physical breakdown is almost inevitable. It will be found that sentimental affectations alternate rapidly with insensibility, precipitate acts with irresolution, fits of explosive anger with complete indifference, sudden friendships with violent jealousies and calculated malice, transient joy with floods of tears, sexual indulgence with prudish abstinence—in short, the victim is on the slippery road to unnatural vice, chronic disease and madness from which a slow and painful death is their only release.

Ezra Franklin Stockley, MD, Bayswater, London, England, 1922

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