Evils of Coffee
"Nine out of ten prostitutes are habitual coffee drinkers, seven out of ten women convicted of shop-lifting admitted to drinking coffee only hours before the offence, and almost all female car thieves drink coffee.."
|OR click here to go straight to Dr Stockley's shocking pamplet about the Evils of Coffee!|
| The following article is an abridged copy of a booklet
first published in London, in 1922, by Dr E F Stockley, a physician of
considerable notoriety in his native land, who was forced to flee the
city of Cleveland, Ohio in 1921, after allegations of 'gross professional
misconduct' in connection with his work at a pioneering health resort
for unmarried, teenage mothers. I found it amongst the papers of my illustrious
Dr Clarissa McTaggart, who was a Consultant Gynaecologist at St Thomas'
Hospital, in London, until her retirement in 1908, and an outspoken critic
of the fashionable vice of coffee drinking which was then percolating
down through the strata of British Society
Ezra Franklin Stockley, MD is a name that may not be unfamiliar to our older readers as the renowned inventor, in 1893, of the 'Onanatron'—an anti-masturbation device for young girls and unmarried women which enjoyed a huge popularity in the mid-western United States until the first of many scandals caused him to seek sanctuary in England. In addition to his many patented inventions, ranging from the aforementioned instrument of 'moral rectitude' to an electrical apparatus for eviscerating turkeys, Dr Stockley was the author of a number of authoritative papers on a wide range of medical topics. In 1904, for instance, he published a monograph on 'The efficacy of Cocoa Butter chest rubs in augmenting breast development', to much critical acclaim. This was followed in 1908 and 1909 with several papers on 'The role of Fish Oils in preventing conception' and 'Electromagnetical methods of penis enlargement in Tool Fitters'. What is less well known is that Dr Stockley was an outspoken critic of the new fashion of Coffee drinking which was sweeping America and Britain in the 1920s and '30s.
His booklet, simply entitled: 'The Evils of Coffee: the
scourge of modern womanhood', caused a huge furore when
it was first published and resulted in new legislation being hastily
drafted on both sides of the Atlantic to restrict the sale and consumption
of this now universal beverage to males over the age of twenty-one.
However, Dr Stockley's victory was short-lived as the prohibition was
repealed within days in England—some sources say within minutes—after
pressure from coffee distributors and the much more urgent threat to
Women's fertility posed by the wearing
of synthetic undergarments. Uncharitable souls have suggested that
the discovery that Dr Stockley was a major shareholder in J Lyons and
Son Ltd—at that time the biggest coffee importer in the world—
may have been a contributory factor in overturning these prohibitions.
Those of my readers who are of a nervous, excitable disposition are strongly advised not to read Dr Stockley's paper as it contains a number of statements that hardened female coffee drinkers may find deeply offensive and distressing. Personally, I loathe the filthy muck and the plethora of 'designer' coffee houses in which its multitudinous varieties are dispensed by surly girls to people stupid enough to imagine that hot water with a bit of grit in it, topped off with what looks like rancid cottage cheese, is remotely drinkable, never mind worth four quid a plastic cup.
Those of you who are made of sterner stuff, whether enslaved to this drug or not, will, I am sure, find much in Dr Stockley's paper to instruct and surprise you. But please don't blame me if you are violently sick or decide to sue Starbucks for ruining your health. That's your problem; no one forced you to drink the filthy stuff, now did they?
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© 2005 Mercy Dannenberg. Images and construction © 2005 utterpants.co.uk / 310305