Baron Crapulence
The Witterings of Baron Crapulence of Chugley Harvard
Baron Crapulence
The witterings of
Baron Crapulence of Chugley Harvard
As recorded by Felicity O'Toole
The 14th Baron and his dysfunctional family of eccentrics and ne'er-do-wells are so uniformly dreadful that it is no wonder we lost the Empire. Once you have read the tortuous witterings of this disreputable old scion of the British aristocracy as recorded by the talented pen of Felicity O'Toole, you will be left in no doubt why the nobility should never be allowed to breed. Oh, and by the way — we would like to point out for the benefit of our less literate readers (and visiting Americans) that the word 'crapulence' has nothing to do with defecation. Those who doubt us may consult a dictionary for corroboration.
About Felicity O'Toole

Claret afficianado Felicity O'Toole, well renowned barfly and high class Mayfair prostitute, has provided Utterpants with the meandering dictations of the obscenely rich Right Honourable Lord Crapulence, 14th Baron of Chugley Harvard.

Felicity was born in the renowned equestrian countryside of Co. Meath in the province of Leinster, on the banks of the River Boyne, her mother taken somewhat by surprise whilst out fishing. Her idyllic childhood in rural Ireland came to an abrupt end when she attended Cheltenham Ladies' College, "Handy for the Races", where she learned to appreciate good French red wine and discovered men, "Well a man, a caretaker at the college as it happens."

On leaving the college, looking for something to do in life to accompany her wine drinking, Felicity decided on matters culinary. Eschewing the thought of actually working in a kitchen preparing food, "Darling, I couldn't possibly, think of my nails", she chose instead to eat it and write about it. However, being a young woman of entrepreneurial spirit, Felicity has not been averse to undertaking various other services, especially for rich, elderly gentlemen. Amongst these multifarious activities is her employment by the Right Honourable Lord Crapulence of Chugley Harvard, for whom she acts on occasion as secretary at his town house in Mayfair.

When not in town Felicity now resides in Bath, or mostly in the bath, and she lists her pastimes in life as good food, fine claret and men. She is currently researching the sexual life of the Pholcidae.

To read the witterings of the Baron click any link in the right hand panel or click here

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More of Felicity O'Toole's reportage can be found on The Interag
Story and pictures © 2004 - the interag. Site construction © 2004 - 2006



I: Noblesse Oblige

II: London

III: Cook

IV: Some Daughters

V: More about Cook

VI: A Cricket Match

VII: A brief engagement
and cider

VIII: Children Going and Not Going

IX: A Shoot

X: Christmas, Now
and Then

XI: A Night in Soho

The Watley Review
Denim Sue's Wiltshire Diary