Chapter 1: Introduction. A very frightened alien crash lands on Earth, a very pretty young woman called Romola has the consummation of her desire cruelly snatched away from her and a gentleman soils a perfectly good pair of cavalry twills.

Chapter 2: Abduction. The very pretty young woman discovers an unexpected use for her vibrator, an alien fears for his virginity and a leading Purley Rotarian questions the wisdom of dating a girl who tucks her skirt into her knickers.

Chapter 3: Interrogation. The Purley Rotarian, Gerald Bolton, finds himself in a very tight corner with an unusual monkey with a passion for chocolate hob nobs. Meanwhile, his girlfriend, Romola, is hideously tortured by a psychotic policewoman who smells of fish.

Chapter 4: Seduction. Gerald discovers his girlfriend has the hots for an alien with four arms while the alien discovers that chocolate is a lethal sex-drug used by Earth girls to enslave their victims. Romola decides that an extra-terrestrial with two enormous willies is too good an opportunity to let slip through a girl's fingers.

Chapter 5: Addiction. Romola's explorations of the alien's pleasure threshold are unexpectedly cut short by the arrival of an unwanted visitor, Gerald finally gets a shag but discovers his girlfriend is sicker than he could possibly have imagined.

Chapter 6: Indigestion. A reckless woman embarrasses a young mother, Romola goes shopping with Yyerg for an egg boiler and two police officers slip in their own excitement.

Chapter 7: Sexploitation. Romola has the time of her life, the alien realises he is hopelessly addicted to chocolate, a Bishop's daughter gets a nasty surprise and a reckless young girl bites off more than she can swallow.

Chapter 8: Investigation. Gerald Bolton, reports an alien abduction to an unsympathetic police officer and finally admits he's been jilted in favour of an eight-legged alien with two willies in the grip of a serious chocolate addiction.

Chapter 9: Tribulation. Two young ladies discover the cause of their embarrassing rash and Romola hears some shattering news.

Chapter 10: Retribution. A Police Inspector is cruelly disappointed, Lady Sophie Mountjoy saves Romola from a fate worse than death and Gerald is re-united with the woman of his dreams.

Chapter 11: Consummation. A butch WPC finally gets what's coming to her, Yyerg gives up chocolate and Gerald and Romola finish what they started while a fashionable young man soils a perfectly good pair of trousers - again.