"Why didn't you see your own GP...Miss—?"
"Smith".
"Miss Smith..."
Portia Prettyman crossed her long legs and avoided the woman's eye. "I —I didn't like to, Doctor. He's known me since I was a little girl..."
"Don't you think you should at least tell your boyfriend?"
"Er.. I don't have a boyfriend at the moment."
"Well, you didn't get that rash from wearing woolen underwear, did you?"
Portia blushed and shook her head.
"It's not the rash that bothers me, Doctor... I've had them before. It's the nymphomania."
The woman regarded Portia pityingly. "Nymphomania is no longer recognised by any medical practitioner, Miss Smith. In fact, nymphomania is not a disease at all, since a very high female sex drive is perfectly normal."
"B-But this can't be normal, Doctor. I'm doing it a dozen times a day. Even when I come I want to come again ten minutes later. When I do come I can't stop coming. I had two orgasms in the car on the way over here just thinking about him. Oh God..ah, ah, ah, ohhhh"
Portia writhed in her chair and slid onto the floor clutching at her crotch.

"So, Ms, er...Smith. How long have you had this rash?"
"About three weeks Doctor," Lady Charlotte Mountjoy smoothed down her Calvin Klein skirt and crossed her beautifully tanned legs.
"And when did the uncontrollable urges start?"
"About three weeks ago, doctor."
"May I ask how long you have been sexually active?"
"About three weeks, doctor."
"Well it's quite normal for someone who's just started having regular sex to feel this way about their partner, though the rash isn't."
"B-but I can't get enough of it."
"That's quite normal at seventeen, Ms Smith."
"Ten times a day?"
"Well — perhaps that's a little excessive.."
Charley lowered her eyes and whispered: "I think it's this funny brown stuff that makes me so hot."
"Brown stuff?"
"His — stuff, you know, his, er—"
"Ejaculate?"
Charley blushed to the roots of her pretty brown hair and coughed. "Yes, his—ahem—cum..."
"That's most unlikely, Ms Smith. The constitution of male semen is well documented. I think you'll find it doesn't have any intoxicating or aphrodisiacal properties no matter how much of it you swallow."
"So what's making we want sex all the time?"
"I have no idea until I get the tests back from the lab.
"How long will that take?"
"About three weeks."
Charley's jar dropped. "I can't wait three weeks! I need help NOW! I only have to think about him and I go all gooey inside. She slumped back in the chair, her eyes glazed over and a long moan escaped her parted lips.
"Ms Smith? Are you all right?"
Oh God..ah, ah, ah, ohhhh"
MS SMITH!!"
Charley convulsed and fell face forward onto the desk.

"Well?" demanded Romola, scratching her crotch, "What did your friend say?"
Sophie Mountjoy sank down onto the sofa and read from the report in her hand: "It's a sugar-based molecule with powerful narcotic and aphrodisiac qualities not unlike alcohol in it's action but infinitely stronger and more complex."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"That Charley was right. It's his cum that's making us all so horny."
"Don't tell me we've all been over-dosing on alien viagra!"
"Look's like it, darling."
"And the rash?"
"Simple skin reaction to the chemicals in his cum. Mark said it should clear up in a day or two by itself."
"What about the spontaneous orgasms? I had three at work this morning. I had to tell my boss it was a bad stomach ache but I don't think he believed me. Then I had another in the car coming home and nearly hit some old guy on a push bike."
"That's because you shagged Yyerg this morning. Mark says the chemicals take twelve hours to clear from your system."
"How the hell did you get all this out of him?"
"Mark's an old boyfriend — remember? I knew fucking a microbiologist would come in useful one day."
"Wasn't he the teeniest bit curious about where the sample came from?"
"Until I took his mind off it."
"You didn't!"
"Twice. Once in his office and again when he came round with the report."

"This stuff is dynamite, Soph! Forget viagra, men'll kill to get their hands on this. All we have to so is find a way to mass produce it!"
The Honourable Lady Sophie Mountjoy leant back against the sofa and broke into peals of hysterical laughter.
"What's so funny?"
"Your face, Romola! I haven't told you the bad news."
"I thought the rash and the spontaneous orgasms WERE the bad news?"
"They're just the side effects."
"So what is?"
"It only works on women."
"Shit! Still, that's half the population — we'll still be rich Soph!"
"No we won't."
"Why?"
"Mark fed massive doses of the stuff to some mice in three separate tests."
"What happened?"
"The females shagged the males senseless."
"And?"
Sophie stopped laughing. Her face was suddenly ashen and her voice cold: "The females died."
Romola's hand flew to her mouth. "WHAT?!"
"They all died within a week."
Romola fainted.